Season's Greetings from your MBF Team

Season’s greetings friends. I’m Ed Burr, Founder and President of the Board at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. We would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and in doing so spend a few moments reflecting on the gifts we have been given as an organization this past year… our facilitators and schools that have implemented our Speak Up Be Safe™ bullying and child abuse prevention program, our donors and sponsors, volunteers, and our terrific team.  Each of our team members brings so much to our foundation and our program and we thought it was a great time for them to share a bit about themselves and what they think is important about our work.

Lynn Layton – Executive Director

Greetings!  I am Lynn Layton, the executive director of the foundation, wife of Glenn Layton and mom to Clark Fouraker and Mallory Layton.  I have been with the foundation for five years.  I have the honor of working with Ed, our Board of Directors, and our team to help protect children from bullying and child abuse.  I am blessed with the love of my Savior, my family, my friends and the continued success and provisions that we receive to allow our work to continue.  Speak Up Be Safe is provided to public elementary schools at no cost to the school through the help of our donors and grants we receive; we hope to keep it that way! 

My prevention wish this season is that as a country, we can stop for a few minutes, put down our electronic devices and actually have eye contact with our children to help them understand that communicating with each other is best when done with our voices and not our fingers.  Teaching kids that instant response is not necessary and that patience is a virtue is a wonderful gift we can give children this season. 

In fact, there a lot of gifts we adults have to offer children, such as honest conversations.  The world can be a scary place and children need to know that adults are there to help keep them safe.  We need to get over being uncomfortable talking about scary topics because if we don’t talk to them, someone else will and most likely, they will share harmful or incorrect information.  We can get involved and ask our child’s school what prevention programs they offer students.  We can “show up” for our children – get educated, be aware, talk to them often, and advocate for safety and prevention.  Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for a safe and informed 2013!

Amy Raymond – Administrative Assistant

Cheers!  I’m Amy and I have been with the Foundation for one year in my position with the goal of supporting the team to fulfill our vision.  It’s a great time of year for individuals, families, and organizations to reflect upon their successes and ongoing goals.  Every day working in this field brings new challenges, but with it great rewards. During my time here, my eyes have been opened to the risks our children face on a daily basis; however, I’ve learned that what we do at the Foundation literally changes children’s lives for the better.  My wish this holiday season is that every caregiver recognizes the importance of expressing love and taking the time to nurture children – and not just during the holidays, but every day.  This is the core of what creates healthy, happy kids and promotes a safe and healthy community.

Cori Wilson – Finance/Data Manager

Hi, I’m Cori Wilson, I manage all things data related at MBF and at home I manage a four-year old little boy. I'd like to share with you what I consider a cause for celebration this Christmas, our work at MBF.  For some reason, be it ignorance, fear, or disbelief, I see the reality of bullying and child abuse largely ignored during most people’s every day lives.  Parents teach their children to hold their hands when crossing the street, but they forget to teach them to talk to them if they feel scared or confused. However, MBF is changing that for the children in Florida, and I am proud to celebrate every success along the way with our team and our supporters.

Each lesson I learn as a parent, to me is a cause to celebrate as I consider it another way my child will grow up safer and better protected. I have learned as a parent of a four year old to not let my fears influence my tongue, because I have learned if we don’t talk to our children, someone else will. When my child brings up a scary subject it is tempting to change the subject, but I now know I must face the issue head on. I give him the truth, with reasons and reassuring love.  He comes out of the conversation with a greater understanding of the world around him, and he learns he can always come to me with questions.  I hope our knowledge and learning at MBF will help you as parents in your efforts to protect your children and give you cause to celebrate this holiday season and year-round!

Mary McDonald – Program Manager

Hi, I’m Mary, a Guardian Ad Litem volunteer and mom of two.  One of the most important lessons I’ve learned working for MBF and talking to all of our facilitators is that kids need people they can talk to about the really tough topics that they come across in their every day lives, things like needing to know what to do and what to say when faced with peer pressure. They need to know they have someone to talk to about the “sensitive” topics (everything from - when kids laugh or make fun of others to what to do when someone presents them with inappropriate photos, or alcohol or drugs).  These are all things that they will be confronted with and we need to help them be ready when they are put into those situations.  We work very hard to create great resources on our website that you can use to help you have these conversations with kids.  So this Christmas when the kids are on school break, spend a little time learning more about these topics and about how to have these conversations and then spend some time talking to your children.  It might not be the traditional way to spend your Christmas break but it truly is one of the most important things you can do to help your kids have a safer day every day in the New Year. Happy Holidays. I hope you have a great Christmas with your family.

Callie Criser – Communications & Development Manager

Hi, I'm Callie Criser and I coordinate our events, fundraising efforts, and social media sites.  I've been with the Foundation 2 1/2 years and am recently engaged and planning the wedding of my dreams… and since I love events, I am enjoying every minute of it! I did not know much about child abuse or bullying until I started here… I never knew anyone who was bullied or abused – but AWARE is the key word.  I grew up in a small town and went to a very sheltered school that didn't speak of these things.  I have since learned 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the age of 18 and I know abuse and bullying happens everywhere, even if we are not aware it is happening.

Being the communications manager, I know that bullying and child abuse have become easier because of technology.  With so many children getting technology gifts this holiday season, I hope that parents will teach their children how to use them appropriately and safely.  Technology is a wonderful thing, but it can also be very dangerous.  I encourage everyone to check out our Facebook page and Blog for tips, stories and resources about this topic and for additional safety information as well throughout the year. Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones!

Cierra Bennet – Finance/Data Assistant

Hello everyone! My name is Cierra Bennett and I am the newest member of the MBF team.  I feel like I learn something new everyday and I’d like to share with you what I think are the real gifts of Christmas: family, friends, and the children in our lives that make the holidays much brighter!

Working at MBF has taught me how all of us can truly make a difference by being proactive to protect children. Kids are faced with tough situations everyday like being bystanders to bullying for example, and often we can help them, but only if kids are educated and empowered to help adults keep them safe. Give the kids in your life the gift of safety education this holiday season; look for every possible opportunity to communicate with them about safety issues and be available for them when they want to talk to you about their concerns. Here are a few tips I've learned while working at MBF:

• Look for everyday opportunities to ask them questions about their day, and ask open-ended questions, like “What is something that you would like to talk about your day today?” or “Was there anything unusual that happened today?” 
• Take opportunities to talk about the events that are going on around you that you may see on the news or that kids may ask about.
• During these conversations, take the time to follow up on anything that concerns you with additional questions and discuss strategies kids can use if they are in or see unsafe situations.

This is just a start and you can learn more on our website and blog, but I hope you will take this opportunity to begin being proactive about communication and safety education with the children in your lives. Happy Holidays and here's to a New Year filled with many great conversations about safety issues between you and your kids.

Stacy Pendarvis – Education & Research Director

Season’s Greeting! I'm Stacy Pendarvis and the mother of 3.  I've been with the Foundation for 2 years and worked in the field of prevention for over 17 years.  I love every minute of working to protect children, and I love working for MBF; I am also the main writer of the Speak Up Be Safe Florida blog and it’s one of the things about my job I love the most.  But what I would really love to see this holiday season (and after this year of such powerful and negative media coverage) is every single person in our country involved to some degree in the effort to protect children from bullying and maltreatment, because everyone can do something. Awareness is great and I think people know the problems exist, but they do not act for whatever reason – maybe apathy or lack of knowledge about what to do.  However, AWARENESS WITH ACTION = PREVENTION!  So I hope everyone reading this will make it one of your resolutions in the New Year to learn more and do more to protect kids!  Keep reading the blog and our MBF Facebook page throughout the New Year for easy ideas on how to incorporate prevention into your everyday life.  Wishing all the best to you and yours in the New Year.  Merry Christmas!

Just as The Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. was founded in 1997 as a way to carry on the work of my late wife, Monique Burr, a passionate child advocate, you can see our team and our organization epitomizes the work that Monique did in protecting children.  Our Speak Up Be Safe™ bullying and child abuse prevention program and everything we do is dedicated to educating and empowering adults and children with one goal in mind, keeping kids safe.  Our team works hard every day, all year to make sure children, parents, schools and communities have the tools and resources they need to protect children.

It is a gift to be able to educate and give back to the community, it is a gift to know what we are doing is helping to protect children every day, it is a gift to work with such a hardworking and dedicated team that is truly making a difference in children’s lives – and it is a gift to continue the legacy of Monique Burr. 

Merry Christmas to you, your children, and your loved ones from all of us at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children!

Edward Burr

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Bullying Prevention Programs and Resources

The main goal of this bullying blog series has been to educate and empower parents, students and school staff about bullying and cyberbullying. The series provided a variety of posts ranging from prevention tools to intervention techniques with the goal of educating parents, victims, bystanders and school staff to become empowered to take action.

The series included specific information such as definitions, types, signs, who bullies and why, who they target, how and why adults need to intervene and more. We have tried to explain how bullying is hurting so many children today and what adults need to know to act appropriately in response.

However, there is only so much information that can be presented in a blog over 5 weeks. Thus, to continue educating and empowering our readers, we thought it was appropriate to provide you with additional resources.

There are literally thousands of bullying websites and programs available, however we chose to present only a handful of the best-known and most educational sites that provide superb material, videos and even activities for parents, children and educators.

Here are some of the best, and best-known, bullying websites and resources:

StopBullying.gov

The official government bullying website with general information, research and policy information, as well as videos and a help section.

Pacer.org/bullying

PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center unites, engages and educates communities to address and prevent bullying through creative, relevant and interactive digital resources for parents, schools, youth and teens.

TeensAgainstBullying.org

A place created by and for teens, where middle and high school students can find ways to address bullying, take action, be heard and join an important cause.

KidsAgainstBullying.org

A creative, innovative and educational site designed by and for elementary school students to learn about bullying prevention, engage in activities and be inspired to take action.

Team Up To Stop Bullying

Team Up To Stop Bullying provides a trusted place for students, children, victims, parents, educators, schools and communities to find bullying solutions. The site provides resources, advice and solution options for students, victims, parents and schools who are coping with a bullying issue.

TheBullyProject.org

The Bully Project highlights solutions that both address immediate needs and lead to systemic change. Starting with the film’s STOP BULLYING. SPEAK UP! call to action, The Bully Project will catalyze audience awareness to action with a series of tools and programs supported by regional and national partners. The Bully Project is a collaborative effort that brings together partner organizations that share a commitment to ending bullying and ultimately transforming society.

SolutionsForBullying.com

Provides a step-by-step guide with a wide variety of options to allow families to tailor their own solution to stop bullying. The site includes white papers, family contracts, reporting forms and more.

StompOutBullying.org

A national antibullying program designed to reshape attitudes…change behaviors…and end bullying.

ViolencePreventionWorks.org

The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program
(OBPP) is the most researched and best–known bullying prevention program available today.

Our hope is that you will continue your learning and take an active role in helping kids regarding bullying intervention and prevention long after this blog series ends next week.

Bullying is Happening All Around

13 million students will be bullied in the US this year. Given those numbers it’s hard to imagine that some people don’t see bullying as a real problem, but it is happening all around. Many parents don’t think bullying exists in their child’s school. Some teachers as well often believe bullying isn’t a behavior worthy of their intervention. For example, in one study, 25% of teachers saw nothing wrong with bullying, and consequently intervened in only 4% of bullying incidents.

But bullying is a real problem, with real consequences. Even to those not being bullied, they see it and they feel the consequences.

Here is a poem written by Emily, a 15 year-old High School Student:

It’s time we all realize bullying is a real problem in every school and we must do more to stop it.  But we must do more than just react to bullying after the fact. We must speak up and prevent bullying from happening in the first place. As Emily says, “we need to stand up and get this message spread.” What will you do to spread the message of bullying prevention? If you need some ideas, check out the MBF – Speak Up Be Safe Resources page.

Written by: Stacy Pendarvis 

Protecting children from sexual exploitation more important than ever!

Internet sex stings in Florida are nothing new.  40 men were arrested in Orlando for soliciting sex with minors just a few weeks ago.  That arrest included a pro-golfer, a swim coach and an eighth grade teacher.  And here we are again, 21 arrested in Gainesville, including a Physician’s Assistant and an elementary school teacher.  So why am I so disturbed by this report that I felt the need to blog about it?  It’s just becoming more and more common and the perpetrators are seeking these encounters with children and teens knowing that these sting operations are happening.  But their desires are such that they are willing to take that risk in order to meet up with a young child or teen for sex.  Consequences aside, they think the risk is worth it, and that to me is scary!

There is no doubt that the sexual exploitation of children on the Internet is a huge problem in our country and it’s growing every day.  The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) has ample facts and resources about this issue for professionals, parents and communities that can be found on their website: http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=218.  However, it is up to us to learn more and do more.  Reading the newspaper and being appalled is simply no longer enough.  There are tools available and we, as the responsible adults in society, MUST use them to protect children today!

Do you know what the sexual exploitation of children is?  Do you know if your child has ever been solicited online, if they’ve ever received any unwanted offers, if they’ve ever communicated with a stranger online? Do you know that according to NCMEC, 1 in 7 children between the ages of 10 and 17 has received a sexual solicitation online? Yet only 5% of those solicitations were ever reported to law enforcement or an Internet service provider.  Do you know NCMEC hosts a cybertipline for just such reports?

At the Monique Burr Foundation for Children we are working hard every day to protect Florida’s children by educating and empowering all elementary school age children in first through fifth grades to recognize and report any unsafe situation they might encounter on the Internet.  It is a part of a more comprehensive program called Speak Up Be Safe™ and we are diligently working to educate and empower the adults in their lives as well as the community about these same dangers and resources.  Please help us.  Visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS to become educated about this program and share our message.  It’s that important and it’s that necessary!

Bullying not taken seriously!

You’ve read in past blogs here about bullying statistics and bullying prevention, and about our Speak Up Be Safe™ program, but last week in the news we read about something that shocked many of us. In Naples, Florida, a judge recently granted immunity to a teen who killed another teen last January,  ruling that under Florida’s “Stand Your Ground Law” a person who feels bullied or otherwise threatened is legally entitled to meet force with force, even deadly force. The judge ruled the teen was “standing his ground because he had tried to avoid the bully’s advances multiple times and was under the threat of great harm.”

Bullying causes a wide range of consequences in our society… mental health problems, academic learning issues, social and relational issues, bullycide (suicide), and now this!  It’s time to stop this…it’s time to prevent this…it’s time to protect children from this senseless pain, destruction and loss.  But how?  How do we do that if bullying is not taken seriously? And statistics show that many don’t take bullying seriously. 

According to www.bullyingstatistics.org, school bullying statistics in the United States show that about one in four kids in the U.S. is bullied on a regular basis. 77 percent of all students are being, or have been bullied verbally in some way or another, including mental bullying or even verbal abuse, and most violent altercations between students are more likely to occur on school grounds than on the way to school.  So it is most definitely a serious problem.  However, one of the most unfortunate aspects of these school bullying statistics is that in about 85 percent of bullying cases, no intervention or effort is made by a teacher or administrative member of the school to stop the bullying from taking place.

I wonder what our reaction would be if no school personnel responded in 85% of medical emergencies that happened in schools?  Not only do students need to be educated, but school teachers and administrators do as well.  Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS), the bullying and child abuse prevention curriculum being distributed throughout Florida in public elementary schools by the Monique Burr Foundation for Children is doing just that.  And everyone can play a role in helping.  Learn more about SUBS and how you can help us get this message out and prevent more bullying tragedies at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org. Join us and help us protect Florida’s children now! 

New Jersey Passes Toughest Anti-Bullying Legislation in US – But how does it Prevent Bullying?

In response to Rutgers Freshman Tyler Clementi’s tragic suicide after webcam images were taken and posted of him on the internet, the New Jersey legislature passed the toughest anti-bullying legislation in the nation. Those requirements, which impact all public schools in New Jersey, go into effect today and there is plenty of debate about their practicality and effectiveness. While no one, including me, in any way is minimizing the devastating effects of the bullying on Tyler or any other child or youth, they are questioning the effectiveness of the requirements of this law and whether they would have prevented the incident that led to Tyler’s suicide.  Additionally, others in the education field are questioning the feasibility of asking schools to implement such drastic measures on already burdened schools.

The law requires every school to have an anti-bullying specialist and a safety team. It requires teachers or other school personnel to complete reports on any and all incidents within 24 hours and investigations to be started immediately and completed within 10 days. The problem is, who defines what they considering bullying and where is social media or cyberbullying, often now called digital abuse, in this effort? There are a growing number of children who are bullied via online and other digital technologies and the law doesn’t include those types of incidents at all.

My biggest concern with this legislation, while I applaud New Jersey for taking a stand, being active and doing something, is once again it is reactive rather than proactive.  It does not require an education component to prevent bullying.  There is no program being implemented to stop bullying in the first place, so kids still have to suffer from the bullying before anyone is going to intervene! The damage will already be done! The consequences unknown – FOR NOW.

In Florida, Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is attempting just the opposite.  SUBS is a prevention education program that addresses safety and all forms of child abuse, bullying and digital abuse – including internet and cell phone dangers. The program includes tools for parents, school personnel and the community in an attempt to empower and motivate all adults to protect children. Offered throughout the state to all 1^st through 5^th grade students by the year 2015 by the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc., the program is in the process of expanding state-wide as a collaborative effort with the Office of the Governor of the State of Florida, the State Department of Education, the State Department of Health, the Florida Department of Children and Families, Ounce of Prevention and other sponsors and partners. Finally a proactive approach – I love it!

To find out more about SUBS and MBF or to help us bring SUBS to your area sooner and prevent bullying at your school – visit www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS.

Bullying Prevention

It was a simple Facebook post I happened to read while taking a break from working:

“School is starting, so if you see someone who is struggling to make friends or being bullied because he/she doesn't have many friends or because they are shy or not as pretty or not dressed in name brand clothes PLEASE step up.  Say hi or at least smile at them in the hallway.  You never know what that person might be facing outside of school.  It might just make a BIG difference in someone's life!”

Wow was all I could think…my own kids are thrilled about going back to school, they’ve got new backpacks, new lunchboxes, new clothes and shoes, bags full of school supplies, they know who their teachers are, we’ve been practicing multiplication facts, making bike-riding plans with other neighborhood kids, they can’t wait to see all of their friends – I don’t think the excitement level could get much higher.  And then it hit me, some kids are probably dreading going back to school.  For them, school is filled with days of being taunted, ridiculed, and bullied.  They don’t have friends, they don’t fit in, there is no happiness, no excitement, and my heart sank.  That any child should feel that is simply unimaginable and unjustified.  Yet we know it happens in schools every day with research stating almost 1 in 3 students will experience some sort of bullying or cyberbullying while in school.*

Sufficiently depressed, I got off Facebook and got back to work editing documents for our Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) program.  SUBS is a safety and child abuse prevention program that includes prevention education for Florida’s 1^st through 5^th grade students on all types of child abuse, Internet Safety, and BULLYING.  It teaches kids about tricks and force, bullying and cyberbulling – and it teaches them strategies to use if they find themselves in unsafe situations facing these things.  Research tells us that half or more of all bullying CAN BE PREVENTED, and knowing that The Foundation is working hard to provide Speak Up Be Safe™ to all elementary children in Florida certainly made me feel better!

So here’s a reminder:  Speak Up Be Safe™ and the work of the Monique Burr Foundation for Children staff, the Speak Up Be Safe™ facilitators, our partners, our donors, and schools can change this!  We can help create the next generation of students that care, that don’t taunt, ridicule or bully, that will say hi and smile at that student in the hallway who is struggling to make friends, is shy, or isn’t dressed in designer clothes, so they can be just as excited to go back to school as my girls are!  What a great day that will be not only for them, but for everyone who cares about kids as well!

*http://www.fldoe.org/safeschools/bullying.asp

BACK TO SCHOOL SAFETY!

For many Florida kids the time has come… school has started! Or if it hasn’t, it will soon and parents are either cheering or dreading that first very early morning.  Kids everywhere will be dressed in their new outfits, sporting their spiffy new backpacks, wearing shiny new white tennis shoes, and parents will start their beginning of the school year routines. You know we always start off with a bang!

So parents – the start of the school year… we all know how busy this time is…filling out all the paperwork, adding lunch money to their account, setting up a homework system, getting everyone back into the early morning routine.  But please don’t forget a very important task on that to do list of yours: teaching kids safety tips for traveling to and from school. Here are some to get you started – and if I’ve missed any, please let me know:

For walkers/bike riders

• Make sure you plan a safe route and walk/ride it with your child ahead of time
• Kids should always travel in pairs/groups (if someone is sick/an adult should accompany the lone child)
• Of course your child should wear all appropriate safety gear if riding a bike or scooter to school (I would personally say skip the scooter, but that’s coming from a mom whose child suffered bilateral arm fractures on one of those things, well falling off one of them really  - personal choices aside – safety gear on all items should be a mandatory rule.)
• Teach your child to follow all safety rules, including staying on sidewalks or within designated paths and  crosswalks, etc… and listening to safety guards. Encourage them to ask you or the school questions if they are unsure about their route.

For bus riders

• Teach children when waiting at the bus stop to stay with the group, stay out of the street, and an adult should be present if possible (maybe your neighborhood could rotate bus stop duty). Instruct your child to follow all safety rules taught by the school and bus driver.

For all kids

• Teach kids to never go with a stranger, or even someone they know from your neighborhood, unless you have pre-arranged it.  You might want to consider having a family password that only your family knows that you give to others in emergency situations that need to pick up your child.  If a person has the password, your child will know you really did send that person to pick them up, and it is safe to go with that person.
• Teach kids their personal identifying information, their full name, parents/caregivers full names, address, home and cell phone(s). Also teach them who it is and isn’t appropriate to share this information with. 
• Develop a personal safety plan with your child.  For this and other resources and safety tips, please visit MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS/resources 

Parents, please don’t forget this very important “to do” on your back to school check list.  It won’t take THAT long – and it’s great information for your child. It educates and empowers them and while ultimately it’s your job to keep them safe, it helps them follow the safety rules which helps you do your very important job of keeping them safe! 

p.s. Don’t forget to periodically check in and make sure they are following the rules, however.  They are after all – KIDS!