My Recent Wake Up Call

Twice last week I left my twelve year old and ten and a half year old alone after school for a few hours. No different than other weeks, and not unlike parents of millions of children around the country, I consider them old enough to be home safely, following my established safety rules and with neighbors nearby in case of emergencies, until I get home just a few hours later.

So you can probably imagine my surprise when twice last week I received phone calls that each of them had opened the door for strangers, service call personnel, who luckily were nice people that turned and left our home upon learning from the girls that I was not home. 

What I know is that this could have turned out very differently. If either of these individuals were bad people, pedophiles, ill intentioned, or worse, my kids might not be in the other room right now. I am very thankful that it turned out well.

I am also thankful for the reminder that kids need ongoing safety and prevention education. Honestly, I haven’t talked to my kids about our safety rules in a while. Maybe I think because of what I do for a living they somehow “get it” and I don’t need to have those continual conversations with them. I learned last week I was very wrong, and I hope every parent that reads this post will learn from my recent “wake up” that they also need to have those continual conversations with their own kids.

We hear it said over and over, “adults are responsible for keeping kids safe,” and we agree completely. But we also know we can’t be with them 24/7 so we must educate and empower them to help protect themselves. And we do that by talking to them and teaching them. Not once, not a few times, but continuously.

If we all work together – parents, schools, and community members – we can be very effective at teaching them and protecting them. The Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) program works to do just that - educate and empower children. It teaches elementary students about personal safety, bullying and child abuse prevention starting in first grade and reinforces and builds upon learning skills every year. The program has multiple sessions, and the curriculum concepts are reinforced by teachers and parents with activities and learning strategies designed to foster ongoing communication and continued learning for kids.

The strategies used in SUBS can be used by all of us in our every day lives to better protect our kids.  We can teach our kids important safety concepts, start young, reinforce skills previously taught and build upon them as our kids get older.  Most importantly, we can continue the conversations and learning activities day after day, week after week, and month after month as opportunities present themselves and as we learn things our kids need to know to educate and empower them to better protect themselves.

Some things are blessings in disguise I suppose. I guess it’s time for me to get busy talking about these things with my kids. You too maybe? Not sure what to say? Keep following our blog and we’ll give you some ideas in upcoming posts!

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Bullying Prevention Programs and Resources

The main goal of this bullying blog series has been to educate and empower parents, students and school staff about bullying and cyberbullying. The series provided a variety of posts ranging from prevention tools to intervention techniques with the goal of educating parents, victims, bystanders and school staff to become empowered to take action.

The series included specific information such as definitions, types, signs, who bullies and why, who they target, how and why adults need to intervene and more. We have tried to explain how bullying is hurting so many children today and what adults need to know to act appropriately in response.

However, there is only so much information that can be presented in a blog over 5 weeks. Thus, to continue educating and empowering our readers, we thought it was appropriate to provide you with additional resources.

There are literally thousands of bullying websites and programs available, however we chose to present only a handful of the best-known and most educational sites that provide superb material, videos and even activities for parents, children and educators.

Here are some of the best, and best-known, bullying websites and resources:

StopBullying.gov

The official government bullying website with general information, research and policy information, as well as videos and a help section.

Pacer.org/bullying

PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center unites, engages and educates communities to address and prevent bullying through creative, relevant and interactive digital resources for parents, schools, youth and teens.

TeensAgainstBullying.org

A place created by and for teens, where middle and high school students can find ways to address bullying, take action, be heard and join an important cause.

KidsAgainstBullying.org

A creative, innovative and educational site designed by and for elementary school students to learn about bullying prevention, engage in activities and be inspired to take action.

Team Up To Stop Bullying

Team Up To Stop Bullying provides a trusted place for students, children, victims, parents, educators, schools and communities to find bullying solutions. The site provides resources, advice and solution options for students, victims, parents and schools who are coping with a bullying issue.

TheBullyProject.org

The Bully Project highlights solutions that both address immediate needs and lead to systemic change. Starting with the film’s STOP BULLYING. SPEAK UP! call to action, The Bully Project will catalyze audience awareness to action with a series of tools and programs supported by regional and national partners. The Bully Project is a collaborative effort that brings together partner organizations that share a commitment to ending bullying and ultimately transforming society.

SolutionsForBullying.com

Provides a step-by-step guide with a wide variety of options to allow families to tailor their own solution to stop bullying. The site includes white papers, family contracts, reporting forms and more.

StompOutBullying.org

A national antibullying program designed to reshape attitudes…change behaviors…and end bullying.

ViolencePreventionWorks.org

The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program
(OBPP) is the most researched and best–known bullying prevention program available today.

Our hope is that you will continue your learning and take an active role in helping kids regarding bullying intervention and prevention long after this blog series ends next week.

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Why Adults Need to Intervene and How to Act Effectively

The simple truth is adults need to intervene because it’s too important not to. We know children don’t often report bullying, we know based on statistics how frequently bullying is happening, and we know the consequences are too great to allow it to continue unchecked. Bullying is no longer simply a case of playground harassment or whispering behind each other’s backs.

Bullying is now recognized as a significant contributor to youth violence, including homicide, suicide, and “bullycide”, the label now applied to children who commit suicide to escape being bullied. The term “bullycide” was coined by authors Neil Marr and Tim Field in their book Bullycide: Death at Playtime, which explores stories of children who have committed suicide as a result of having been bullied.

While there is no formal system for tracking suicides related to bullying, suicide is the 4^th leading cause of death in adolescents. There are many other consequences of bullying that make adult intervention essential:

• Depression
• Low self-esteem
• Anxiety
• Social isolation
• Loneliness
• Physical illness such as headaches, stomach aches
• School absenteeism and subsequently poor academic performance
• Possible violent behavior in retaliation

In other words, the consequences suffered by victims, both in the short term and long term, are too great to ignore. We can no longer hope the situation will get better on it’s own when a child is being bullied. Recall that a previous post informed us that children won’t often tell us they are being bullied so we must be alert to the signs.

In fact, there is a lot of things happening in children’s lives that they might not tell us, including about their own online behavior, even being a victim of cyberbullying. According to a McAfee study, “teens are hiding porn, cheating at school, hacking into others’ social media accounts, sharing sexy photos and cyberbullying” by closing windows when parents enter the room, deleting items on the computer and phone and clearing their web browsers. So parents have to be alert to signs that their children are doing things online and in this case, being victimized online.

The “why” intervene is the easy part… the “how” to intervene gets a little more complicated. Whether dealing with bullying or cyberbullying, there are definite steps adults and children can take to intervene appropriately.

• Remember school is a place to learn social skills and about social relationships as well as academics. In other words, some social behavior such as teasing and whispering or choosing one friend over another is actually good for children to experience. We may naturally want to protect our children from hurt feelings and suffering, but we need to ask ourselves first and foremost, “is the behavior my child describing actually bullying?” If it’s not, it’s a great time to have a conversation with your child about social skills, relationships, and treating people right. If it is, then it is time to act accordingly.

• Talk to your child. Ask questions and listen! Find out the details and document the events and any evidence and witnesses. Help your child research and practice strategies to deal with bullies effectively. Ignoring the bully or allowing the bullying to continue will not make it stop. Learning social skills and resistance strategies and telling safe adults who will act are important actions your child needs to understand. Teaching your child to be his or her own advocate is the best strategy for their own success now and in the future.

• Become a partner with the school. If your child finds they cannot handle the bullying on their own or if the bullying causes physical injuries, the school must become involved. Many times the initial contact with a school about potential bullying is adversarial but your child will benefit more by reaching out to the school in an inquiring and positive manner, rather than using an accusatory and negative approach. Explain to the school the situation as you know it and the strategies you have already tried to stop the behavior. Ask for a meeting with the administration and brainstorm solutions and next steps together. Included in those steps needs to be identifying safe adults that your child can go to if the bullying continues or escalates, and the assurance that retaliation by both the original bully and/or his or her friends for reporting will not be tolerated.

• If the school doesn’t respond appropriately seek additional help from the district and, if needed, law enforcement. If you find these steps do not solve the problem, reach out to additional contacts within the school district such as student support services, office of safe schools or even the superintendent’s office if needed. Additionally, if the bullying involves a physical assault and documented injuries, seek medical care and contact law enforcement.

• Seek counseling and other sources of support for your child. Many times bullies target kids who are socially isolated and don’t have a lot of friends or support. If your child has been bullied for a while their self-esteem might be low and they may have difficulty making friends. Seek the advice of a counselor with experience in this area who can help your child learn to feel better about themselves as well as learn how to function better in social environments. You can also seek out peer support for them through clubs and groups.

• Lastly, if your child is being cyberbullied you will need to take additional steps to ensure their safety.

Of course schools need to be involved as well. Schools are bound by the Jeffrey Johnston Stand Up For All Students Act to report and intervene in bullying situations, but they need to do more than that. They need to be alert to signs of pre-bullying behavior, teasing and harassment. They also need to teach kids empathy and good social skills in an effort to prevent bullying. Helping peers relate better is a skill that will not only prevent bullying but will serve children well throughout their lives. And of course good old-fashioned supervision is also necessary. We know most bullying occurs in places where supervision is low and social interaction is high, such as playgrounds, cafeterias and bathrooms, so schools need to increase supervision in these areas.

Speak Up Be Safe™ includes, as a part of an overall comprehensive prevention program for children, counselors, teachers and parents, bullying prevention education. If your school doesn’t have our program, it’s time to encourage them to get it.

Adults aren’t the only ones who can intervene and help stop bullying. In our next post we will address “bystanders,” or children who watch bullying take place or ignore it to some extent, and how they can help stop bullying. We will also discuss what communities can do to help prevent bullying, so stay tuned to find out more.

Play it Safe: Online Gaming Safety Tips

Online gaming is an increasingly popular activity for kids.  It's a way for them to play with friends without having to be face-to-face.  It can serve as entertainment, education and character development for them.  However, it seems lately that these gaming systems that appear to be private and confined to the walls of the home are actually opening the doors to scammers, cyber-bullies and sexual predators.
 
Unless you're using a webcam, there is no way to know exactly who you are talking to over the internet. When kids are using headsets to talk to people they meet on Xbox LIVE or PlayStation 3, the people they are talking to could be living down the street or across the globe. What's more risky is that your children may not personally know who they're talking to; in other words, just as strangers exist in the "real world," strangers also exist online. Though your children's gaming system was provided for innocent entertainment, these online strangers could potentially be bullying, scamming, or even sexually harassing your children.
 
We searched "sexual predators on Xbox LIVE" on Google and 307,000 results popped up! These results included stories or articles related to the newest tool, Xbox LIVE, used to lure in children commonly between the ages of 10 and 14 for sexual favors, to send them explicit photos of themselves, or send invites to meet up with them. According to NetSmartz.org, 97% of online teens, ages 12-17, play computer, online, portable or console games. Of these teens, 27% play games with people they met online.
Today's advancements in technology have fostered a gaming craze among children and teens. If your child participates in online games, take a minutes to catch up with how you can maintain their safety and enjoyment while playing.
 
Today's advancements in technology have fostered a gaming craze among children and teens. If your child participates in online games, take a minute to catch up with how you can maintain their safety and enjoyment while playing.
 
1. Know the risks.
Understand the potential dangers your children face as they play games online.
a. People might befriend your children by trying to earn their trust. Scammers and predators may pretend to be kids themselves, share tips on how to win, or give gifts like points or virtual goods.
b. Some gamers play to bully, taunt, and harass others with bad language, cheating, or inappropriate attacks.
c. Good downloads may carry bad content; when kids download games from non-reputable sites through links they may also download offensive content, spam, or malicious software.
 
2. Take advantage of technology.
Most popular games come equipped with parental controls.
a. Websites generally devote a section to parents and provide assistance with setting up controls.
b. Almost every game has a chat filter option available. Go to the options or settings of the game and look for these filters; more than likely a “profanity filter” will be available, so make sure it is enabled.
c. Many computer operating systems, including Microsoft, have family safety settings available to help protect kids. These tools help you specify the types of games your kids can play, monitor who children talk to and how, set time limits, and control what your kids see and share while gaming. Learn how to enable these controls and explain to your children what they are for – for example, they are not set up to spy on them, but to keep them safe.
d. Report any improper or suspicious content or behavior; ask your children to ignore or block any players that have shown hostility, pressured your child for information, or have sent or requested explicit or inappropriate materials. Immediately report any serious threats or harassment to the local police.
e. If the game your child has chosen doesn’t have monitors built in, check out TimesUpKidz or KidsWatch, programs that can help you watch how long your child plays.
 
3. Explore the games alongside your children.
Even if they act annoyed, it's crucial to become involved.
a. Sit with your kids while they play or join in the game. You may find it’s a fun activity you can do together while you’re keeping them out of harm’s way. You’ll be able to monitor their interactions with others and guide a potentially harmful situation.
b. Check the ratings of games your children want to play. Most games sold at stores are rated by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB). These ratings serve as guidelines while discussing with your kids whether the games they want are appropriate or not.
c. Stick to well-known games and games from reputable websites to reduce the risk of scammers. Some popular sites include MSN Games, Xbox LIVE, and Yahoo! Games.
d. Find out the game’s terms of play. Find out how the game service monitors players and how they respond to reports of abuse. Read the site’s privacy policy to learn how it will use and protect your children’s information; if there isn’t one, play somewhere else.
 
4. Talk to your children.
Above all, keep the lines of communication between you and your children open.
a. Celebrate their accomplishments, talk about what they did, and listen for clues about dangerous situations they may have encountered while playing.
 
By teaching your children about the potential dangers surrounding online gaming, they will feel confident in dealing appropriately with dangerous or risky situations. At the Monique Burr Foundation, we are working hard everyday to keep children safe through providing Speak Up Be Safe™, a culturally and developmentally appropriate bullying and child abuse prevention curriculum to 1st through 5th grade students in Florida. The program is helping students, parents, caregivers, and school personnel get the information they need to understand all types of abuse and how to prevent them. The program also helps children recognize and report any unsafe situations or people they may encounter while gaming online.
 
Visit our website to become educated about this program and to help share our message. Thank you for helping us to protect Florida’s children today!

Check out these amazing gaming statistics provided by The Entertainment Software Association.

By Guest Blogger Jackie Wiggens | UF Senior
Sources: Yahoo.com, TheESA.com 

Bullying is Happening All Around

13 million students will be bullied in the US this year. Given those numbers it’s hard to imagine that some people don’t see bullying as a real problem, but it is happening all around. Many parents don’t think bullying exists in their child’s school. Some teachers as well often believe bullying isn’t a behavior worthy of their intervention. For example, in one study, 25% of teachers saw nothing wrong with bullying, and consequently intervened in only 4% of bullying incidents.

But bullying is a real problem, with real consequences. Even to those not being bullied, they see it and they feel the consequences.

Here is a poem written by Emily, a 15 year-old High School Student:

It’s time we all realize bullying is a real problem in every school and we must do more to stop it.  But we must do more than just react to bullying after the fact. We must speak up and prevent bullying from happening in the first place. As Emily says, “we need to stand up and get this message spread.” What will you do to spread the message of bullying prevention? If you need some ideas, check out the MBF – Speak Up Be Safe Resources page.

Written by: Stacy Pendarvis 

Happy Halloween!

Hi ghostly parents and protectors!

Yes, it is that time of year, I’m sure you all know, because like those of us here at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children (MBF) with kids, you’ve probably been readying costumes; and like all of us, with or without little trick-or-treaters at home, preparing jack-o-lanterns and candy as well!

But in our preparations, we would be remiss if we didn’t stop and take a few moments to give you some safety tips to keep your ghosts, goblins and (yes I know I’m out of touch with the latest and greatest costumes) trick-or-treaters safe on this scariest of nights out and about.  So here are MBF’s top safety rules:

• Light and Bright Saves the Night - so your child can be seen – which increases their safety factor tremendously – if it’s a dark costume, put glow in the dark paint or tape on, or carry a glow stick.

• Off the Beaten Path Means Deal with Parents’ Wrath – parents/caregivers should be with kids while out trick or treating, if possible (even with older kids,  and if it’s not cool… just hang back a little and give them some space, but at least you can watch out for them from a distance).  If for some reason you’re not going to be with the kids, let them know they are to stick to main roads and not deviate from the path or there will be consequences.  Better yet, sit down together and devise a map of their route with homes they will visit so that if needed, you can trace their path and easily find them.  Kids should not deviate from the agreed upon route or take shortcuts.

• Safety Rules are Valuable Tools!  Teach your kids the 5 Speak Up Be Safe Safety Rules to help keep them safe  safe, review our Safety Rules online at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS and teach them to your kids.  Make sure they understand not to go into homes or cars with people – even people they may know to get more or special candy, teach them about “tricks” and “bribes” and teach them to stay with their group’s adults and other kids to be safe!  But on Halloween night, other safety rules are just as important so make sure you remind your kids of basic safety rules like look for cars before you cross the street, stay on the sidewalk, walk, don’t run, don’t walk in between cars, etc… You may think your child remembers the rules they’ve been taught, but on a night as important as Halloween where they’re focused on racking up as much candy as legally allowed, they may need a reminder of the safety rules!

• Become a Stranger Danger Roving Ranger! – Okay, I know, with that one you’re thinking I’ve lost my mind… but I haven’t really.  More than 50,000 children are abducted each year in non-family related cases, so it is a real danger and on a night when so many kids are out and about in the streets, a predator could have easy access to a child who is lost or not paying attention, who wanders away from their “group,” or simply doesn’t follow the rules and goes inside with someone to get some “special candy.” So not only do we as adults need to look out for our own children, we should also be on alert for anything suspicious with any other child as well.  Let’s all work together on Halloween and watch out for all kids – Let’s all Speak Up and Keep Florida’s Children Safe!

Now go out there and have a Safe and Happy Halloween.  From All of US at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children – We wish you Treats, Treats and more Treats, No Tricking!