School Shootings: Are we asking the right questions?

Lynn Layton, Executive Director of the Monique Burr Foundation for Children (MBF), and I recently attended the Florida Association of School Administrator’s Legislative Days in Tallahassee and one thing that we heard mentioned several times was the concern of school administrators about safe schools and their hope that the Governor and Education Commissioner would prioritize some funding and support to improve school safety.  As a parent, hearing that was nice.  To know schools are concerned with the safety of my child and every other child is comforting.  I hope it is an issue that legislators and schools continue to focus on.

And then again yesterday there was another school shooting.  A student at an Atlanta middle school shot and injured another student.  IN 21 YEARS, from 1992 to 2013 there have now been 10 school shootings in elementary, middle and high schools in the United States that have tragically injured or killed 155 adults and students (and more before that, I’m sure).

In response to this there is talk of arming teachers or administrators in school, or of providing armed guards for every school in our country.  And of course we are seeing congressional hearings to discuss newer, stricter gun control laws as well.  I’m not an expert in gun control, but I do wonder if we are asking the right questions or considering the right answers.  Isn’t it time we as a society think in terms of prevention and be proactive rather than reactive?  Instead of providing armed guards to schools, why don’t we provide more counselors and social workers to schools?  Why don’t we provide violence prevention programs to schools?  Why don’t we work diligently to determine why shootings occur in the first place and seek to effect change at that level?  That is a strategy that actually makes sense! 

But I believe we already know why most of these tragedies occur.  In a 2000 Chicago Sun Times exclusive report, after interviewing 41 school shooters, in 37 incidents, the Secret Service found that two-thirds had been bullied and attacks were motivated by revenge*.  And there is a lot of bullying occurring these days, so I’m afraid these types of attacks may actually be on the rise.

In Florida alone – the average number of children that are reported as bullied, abused or neglected total 153 EACH DAY, and that is only the number reported – not the actual number of children who ARE bullied, abused or neglected EACH DAY.  Every one of the 155 adults and students shot on school grounds was an extremely valuable human life and we in no way want to minimize their injury or death; but if we focus on the 153 abused or bullied kids each day, if we seek to prevent their abuse and maltreatment, maybe we can prevent future shootings from occurring.

The Monique Burr Foundation for Children provides a program called Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) – a national, research based bullying and child abuse prevention program – to all Florida public elementary schools at no cost to the schools.  Speak Up Be Safe educates and empowers 1^st through 5^th grade students with knowledge and strategies to identify and react to unsafe situations and to help the adults in their lives keep them safe.  It teaches kids empathy and bystander intervention, two strategies shown to be effective in bullying prevention.

Please visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS to learn more about the program and ask your school if they are providing SUBS to their students.  If not, please encourage them to begin offering SUBS now.  As one parent, with just this one action, you can make a big difference in the lives of so many children!  And maybe, in the future, we can prevent more tragic events from happening to innocent victims as a consequence of abuse and bullying.

All kids deserve to be safe!  Let’s make 2013 the year we all work together – parents, schools and organizations – to protect all children!

*Source:  http://powerreporting.com/shoot.pdf

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Why Children Become Bullies and Why They Target Certain Kids

Have you ever wondered why some children become bullies and why they target certain kids?  Is the “why” really that important?  Do we care why a bully bullies or why a particular child is targeted?  We should! It makes sense that if we know why, we stand a much better chance of not only stopping the behavior, but also preventing it in the first place.

Bullies may be kids that are always in trouble. However, often they are good kids that are doing bad things. And why do bullies target certain kids? Bullies often pick on kids because they are somehow different; they are too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, don’t have enough money and therefore don’t wear the “right” clothes, they aren’t athletic enough, aren’t cool enough, etc. But sometimes it makes no sense why a particular child is bullied. Bullies also target bright, funny and attractive kids; kids that aren’t so different from others.

One of the most frequently cited reasons that bullies strike out at other children is because they are insecure and it makes them feel better about themselves, so it’s not about the child being bullied but more about the bully. In some cases that may be true, but not always. 

There are a variety of reasons that children may engage in bullying:

1. They need power and control – These children need to be the leader, need to dominate their peer group and want other children to look up to them. They may come from a home where they witness abuse or dominance by one parent over another, or they themselves may be the victim of abuse or harsh, punitive behavior by a parent.
2. They lack empathy for others – Some children are naturally more empathetic toward others, toward animals, etc. while others may need to be taught this skill as they are maturing.  If parents and other adults fail to teach this skill, this may be a contributing cause to bullying behavior.
3. They possess feelings of entitlement – These children feel like the world owes them something.  They may come from a home where they are given everything they want, where consequences for poor behavior are minimal and they begin to believe they are more valued than most others. This child may also begin to internalize the belief that they can do anything they want and get away with it, including bullying.
4. They desire to be popular – These children want to be the most popular kid in school; they want everyone to know them, like them and want to be their friend. They may come from a home where parents value their children being the “popular kid” or running with the “in-crowd” and therefore feel tremendous pressure to satisfy their parents.
5. They possess feelings of jealousy or inadequacy / low self-esteem – These bullies target children and pick on them because of jealousy. Sometimes their bullying is targeted toward peers who they perceive as better than them or peers that have something they want.  Their behavior is often an attempt to make themselves feel better.

Once we understand who the bully is, it is much easier to understand why they target certain children. Most often it’s not that the victim has major differences, they just happen to be someone who is serving a purpose for the bullies own needs and feelings. It’s almost as if they are the wrong person, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, through no fault of their own. 

Research has shown however that many victims of bullying do tend to possess certain common traits:

1. They are socially withdrawn or isolate themselves from peers at school
2. They are sensitive or become easily distressed or moody
3. They seem anxious or tend to worry a lot

If a bully needs someone easy to overpower and control, it makes sense that children with these traits would make an ideal target.  It would be much easier to dominate someone who is withdrawn, usually alone, sensitive and/or anxious, than someone who is outgoing, surrounded by friends and confident.

Research also shows that children who have difficulty with the following social tasks are more likely to be victimized by bullies:

1. The inability to read the nonverbal social cues of their peers – For example they don’t notice a peer who rolls their eyes at them.
2. Difficulty understanding social meanings of behaviors – For example a peer that is tapping their feet or turning their head to hurry them along when they are telling them a story.
3.  Problems developing solutions for social conflict – For example a child who doesn’t have the social skills to resolve issues with other children and constantly tattles or uses ineffective solutions. 

Understanding why children bully and why they target certain peers for bullying is the first step to truly being able to stop bullying.  For both primary and secondary prevention, working with both the bullies and the victims, is an effective strategy.

For bullies, or children displaying the traits that may lead to bullying behavior, early intervention is essential. This would include teaching them empathy and helping them learn that feelings of jealousy, entitlement and power/control can have potentially negative consequences from an early age.

For children displaying the traits that bullies tend to target, teaching them how to not isolate themselves and function better socially is important. Teaching them skills such as how to better read social cues, understand their meaning, solve social conflicts and develop a network of supportive people may also help prevent bullying.

Helping children with these essential social skills is both important for us as individual parents and for schools in general if we hope to stop bullying and prevent bullying behavior in the future.  Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is the Monique Burr Foundation for Children’s bullying and child abuse prevention program. In SUBS we offer some of these bullying prevention strategies to children and schools. Our goal is to implement SUBS in every 1^st through 5^th grade Florida elementary class.

Stay tuned for our next few posts where we discuss the importance of adult intervention and how we as a community can come together with everyone having a role in bullying intervention and prevention.

Florida Schools Have the Opportunity to Help Keep Kids Safe with Speak Up Be Safe™ Program!

-->

Internet sex sting operations are nothing new. Yet again, there was another news story recently and sadly one of the arrests was a 5^th grade teacher at Lawton Chiles Elementary School in Orlando.  While there is no report that this teacher ever harmed a child at that school, this type of report always raises a concern about sexually abusive behavior for parents and school personnel.

So the question then becomes what do we do to make sure our kids are safe at school? All Florida elementary schools, including Orange County Schools, have a prevention program available to them at no cost that may help prevent the sexual abuse and exploitation of children.

Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is a national bullying and child abuse prevention program that teaches kids what is safe and unsafe behavior.  The program also teaches kids to use the 5 SUBS Safety Rules which include:

1)    It’s my body

2)    Ask an adult if I’m safe

3)    I have choices

4)    Tell Someone

5)    It’s never my fault.

Additionally, facilitators (generally guidance counselors) are trained in topics such as:

·      Child abuse indicators

·      Recognizing signs of sexual abuse, exploitation and grooming behaviors

·      Mandatory reporting

·      Bullying, Cyberbullying and digital abuse

and they are given tools and resources to further educate their school peers and personnel as well as parents.  Using the knowledge gained in their training and the resources they are given, school personnel are informed and empowered and would hopefully recognize any attempt by a teacher or other adult to sexually exploit or abuse a child. Children, armed with the information provided in the curriculum, would also hopefully recognize unsafe behaviors by an adult and would rely on the 5 SUBS safety rules to have the adults in their lives help them be safe!

For additional training or for middle and high schools where SUBS is not available, another safety program exists. You can find more information here.  Together, the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc., and Florida’s schools, can protect Florida’s children now! Visit our website to learn more or to get SUBS into your school district.