Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Get Involved to Stop Bullying - How You and Others Can Make a Difference!

As we stated in the last post, our goal in this series was to educate and empower parents, students, school staff, and anyone else interested in stopping bullying. Hopefully some of the resources we gave you in the last post will better educate you and give you some ideas if you want to learn more and do more to fight this social epidemic. But we also thought it might be helpful to give you some examples of how people are getting involved to bring awareness and prevention to their own schools and communities.

Kids are getting involved! On Friday, September 24^th, more than 700 fifth graders from nine Miami-Dade area schools took a “Victory Against Violence” pledge led by Miami Police Chief Manuel Orosa. The pledge was against violence and bullying at the “Back Without A Bang” Youth Rally Against Violence created by the Do The Right Thing Program. Participants wore “I Took the Pledge” t-shirts and received laminated copies of the pledge. All of the students also signed a giant, 4x8 foot copy of the pledge, which will be sent to Florida Governor Rick Scott.

Law enforcement and education institutions are getting involved! On Saturday, September 15^th, Polk County law enforcement agencies teamed up with Polk State College to educate and empower the community on a variety of crime prevention issues, including cyber safety and bullying. The Lakeland Ledger’s Kyle Kennedy stated, “Law enforcement officials highlighted bullying because they said it is considered a public health issue and one of the first forms of violence that many people experience. It can also be a factor in youth suicides.” There was also information on cyberbullying presented in various workshops.  Jay Best, a special agent with the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, taught parents that it’s not easy to limit Internet time for preteens because of the necessity of using computers for homework, but that Internet time brings with it serious dangers. “Facebook in particular can be dangerous when used as a tool for harassment among students, or when youth are careless in giving out personal information and pictures to strangers,” officials said.

And businesses and communities are getting involved as well! On Tuesday, September 18^th, Bright House Networks teamed up with Seminole County and News 13 to host a Town Hall meeting. Members of the community, especially teens from Lake Howell High School, attended and discussed methods to stop bullying. Later this fall, Lake Howell High will dedicate an entire month to stopping bullying. If you didn’t make it to that forum, News 13 is planning more “Stop the Bullying” town hall meetings around Central Florida throughout the school year, check their community events page for information.

And on October 27^th at 9:00 am, at Lake Francis in downtown Madison, Florida there will be a 5K Run, Walk, Roll Against Bullying for the community and all schools including the community college will unite and take a stand against bullying. Businesses, churches and civic organizations in the community will partner to show that no bullying will be tolerated in Madison County.

This is just a very small sample of what people are doing to actively bring awareness to the issue of bullying and to talk about how they and others can stop bullying; however, the important point is that they are doing something. The Bully Project and big, elaborate efforts are important, as are educational programs such as our school curriculum Speak Up Be Safe^TM.  It is important that we get our program into every elementary school to teach kids not to bully and prevent bullying before it ever starts.

However, if bullying is already happening or if you're willing to step up, small grassroots efforts in your own school or community are the real projects that will make a difference to the victims, the bystanders and the bullies. One person – you – can make a difference. You can stop bullying; you just have to be willing to get involved!

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Bullying Prevention Programs and Resources

The main goal of this bullying blog series has been to educate and empower parents, students and school staff about bullying and cyberbullying. The series provided a variety of posts ranging from prevention tools to intervention techniques with the goal of educating parents, victims, bystanders and school staff to become empowered to take action.

The series included specific information such as definitions, types, signs, who bullies and why, who they target, how and why adults need to intervene and more. We have tried to explain how bullying is hurting so many children today and what adults need to know to act appropriately in response.

However, there is only so much information that can be presented in a blog over 5 weeks. Thus, to continue educating and empowering our readers, we thought it was appropriate to provide you with additional resources.

There are literally thousands of bullying websites and programs available, however we chose to present only a handful of the best-known and most educational sites that provide superb material, videos and even activities for parents, children and educators.

Here are some of the best, and best-known, bullying websites and resources:

StopBullying.gov

The official government bullying website with general information, research and policy information, as well as videos and a help section.

Pacer.org/bullying

PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center unites, engages and educates communities to address and prevent bullying through creative, relevant and interactive digital resources for parents, schools, youth and teens.

TeensAgainstBullying.org

A place created by and for teens, where middle and high school students can find ways to address bullying, take action, be heard and join an important cause.

KidsAgainstBullying.org

A creative, innovative and educational site designed by and for elementary school students to learn about bullying prevention, engage in activities and be inspired to take action.

Team Up To Stop Bullying

Team Up To Stop Bullying provides a trusted place for students, children, victims, parents, educators, schools and communities to find bullying solutions. The site provides resources, advice and solution options for students, victims, parents and schools who are coping with a bullying issue.

TheBullyProject.org

The Bully Project highlights solutions that both address immediate needs and lead to systemic change. Starting with the film’s STOP BULLYING. SPEAK UP! call to action, The Bully Project will catalyze audience awareness to action with a series of tools and programs supported by regional and national partners. The Bully Project is a collaborative effort that brings together partner organizations that share a commitment to ending bullying and ultimately transforming society.

SolutionsForBullying.com

Provides a step-by-step guide with a wide variety of options to allow families to tailor their own solution to stop bullying. The site includes white papers, family contracts, reporting forms and more.

StompOutBullying.org

A national antibullying program designed to reshape attitudes…change behaviors…and end bullying.

ViolencePreventionWorks.org

The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program
(OBPP) is the most researched and best–known bullying prevention program available today.

Our hope is that you will continue your learning and take an active role in helping kids regarding bullying intervention and prevention long after this blog series ends next week.

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Why Adults Need to Intervene and How to Act Effectively

The simple truth is adults need to intervene because it’s too important not to. We know children don’t often report bullying, we know based on statistics how frequently bullying is happening, and we know the consequences are too great to allow it to continue unchecked. Bullying is no longer simply a case of playground harassment or whispering behind each other’s backs.

Bullying is now recognized as a significant contributor to youth violence, including homicide, suicide, and “bullycide”, the label now applied to children who commit suicide to escape being bullied. The term “bullycide” was coined by authors Neil Marr and Tim Field in their book Bullycide: Death at Playtime, which explores stories of children who have committed suicide as a result of having been bullied.

While there is no formal system for tracking suicides related to bullying, suicide is the 4^th leading cause of death in adolescents. There are many other consequences of bullying that make adult intervention essential:

• Depression
• Low self-esteem
• Anxiety
• Social isolation
• Loneliness
• Physical illness such as headaches, stomach aches
• School absenteeism and subsequently poor academic performance
• Possible violent behavior in retaliation

In other words, the consequences suffered by victims, both in the short term and long term, are too great to ignore. We can no longer hope the situation will get better on it’s own when a child is being bullied. Recall that a previous post informed us that children won’t often tell us they are being bullied so we must be alert to the signs.

In fact, there is a lot of things happening in children’s lives that they might not tell us, including about their own online behavior, even being a victim of cyberbullying. According to a McAfee study, “teens are hiding porn, cheating at school, hacking into others’ social media accounts, sharing sexy photos and cyberbullying” by closing windows when parents enter the room, deleting items on the computer and phone and clearing their web browsers. So parents have to be alert to signs that their children are doing things online and in this case, being victimized online.

The “why” intervene is the easy part… the “how” to intervene gets a little more complicated. Whether dealing with bullying or cyberbullying, there are definite steps adults and children can take to intervene appropriately.

• Remember school is a place to learn social skills and about social relationships as well as academics. In other words, some social behavior such as teasing and whispering or choosing one friend over another is actually good for children to experience. We may naturally want to protect our children from hurt feelings and suffering, but we need to ask ourselves first and foremost, “is the behavior my child describing actually bullying?” If it’s not, it’s a great time to have a conversation with your child about social skills, relationships, and treating people right. If it is, then it is time to act accordingly.

• Talk to your child. Ask questions and listen! Find out the details and document the events and any evidence and witnesses. Help your child research and practice strategies to deal with bullies effectively. Ignoring the bully or allowing the bullying to continue will not make it stop. Learning social skills and resistance strategies and telling safe adults who will act are important actions your child needs to understand. Teaching your child to be his or her own advocate is the best strategy for their own success now and in the future.

• Become a partner with the school. If your child finds they cannot handle the bullying on their own or if the bullying causes physical injuries, the school must become involved. Many times the initial contact with a school about potential bullying is adversarial but your child will benefit more by reaching out to the school in an inquiring and positive manner, rather than using an accusatory and negative approach. Explain to the school the situation as you know it and the strategies you have already tried to stop the behavior. Ask for a meeting with the administration and brainstorm solutions and next steps together. Included in those steps needs to be identifying safe adults that your child can go to if the bullying continues or escalates, and the assurance that retaliation by both the original bully and/or his or her friends for reporting will not be tolerated.

• If the school doesn’t respond appropriately seek additional help from the district and, if needed, law enforcement. If you find these steps do not solve the problem, reach out to additional contacts within the school district such as student support services, office of safe schools or even the superintendent’s office if needed. Additionally, if the bullying involves a physical assault and documented injuries, seek medical care and contact law enforcement.

• Seek counseling and other sources of support for your child. Many times bullies target kids who are socially isolated and don’t have a lot of friends or support. If your child has been bullied for a while their self-esteem might be low and they may have difficulty making friends. Seek the advice of a counselor with experience in this area who can help your child learn to feel better about themselves as well as learn how to function better in social environments. You can also seek out peer support for them through clubs and groups.

• Lastly, if your child is being cyberbullied you will need to take additional steps to ensure their safety.

Of course schools need to be involved as well. Schools are bound by the Jeffrey Johnston Stand Up For All Students Act to report and intervene in bullying situations, but they need to do more than that. They need to be alert to signs of pre-bullying behavior, teasing and harassment. They also need to teach kids empathy and good social skills in an effort to prevent bullying. Helping peers relate better is a skill that will not only prevent bullying but will serve children well throughout their lives. And of course good old-fashioned supervision is also necessary. We know most bullying occurs in places where supervision is low and social interaction is high, such as playgrounds, cafeterias and bathrooms, so schools need to increase supervision in these areas.

Speak Up Be Safe™ includes, as a part of an overall comprehensive prevention program for children, counselors, teachers and parents, bullying prevention education. If your school doesn’t have our program, it’s time to encourage them to get it.

Adults aren’t the only ones who can intervene and help stop bullying. In our next post we will address “bystanders,” or children who watch bullying take place or ignore it to some extent, and how they can help stop bullying. We will also discuss what communities can do to help prevent bullying, so stay tuned to find out more.

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Why Children Become Bullies and Why They Target Certain Kids

Have you ever wondered why some children become bullies and why they target certain kids?  Is the “why” really that important?  Do we care why a bully bullies or why a particular child is targeted?  We should! It makes sense that if we know why, we stand a much better chance of not only stopping the behavior, but also preventing it in the first place.

Bullies may be kids that are always in trouble. However, often they are good kids that are doing bad things. And why do bullies target certain kids? Bullies often pick on kids because they are somehow different; they are too tall, too short, too fat, too skinny, don’t have enough money and therefore don’t wear the “right” clothes, they aren’t athletic enough, aren’t cool enough, etc. But sometimes it makes no sense why a particular child is bullied. Bullies also target bright, funny and attractive kids; kids that aren’t so different from others.

One of the most frequently cited reasons that bullies strike out at other children is because they are insecure and it makes them feel better about themselves, so it’s not about the child being bullied but more about the bully. In some cases that may be true, but not always. 

There are a variety of reasons that children may engage in bullying:

1. They need power and control – These children need to be the leader, need to dominate their peer group and want other children to look up to them. They may come from a home where they witness abuse or dominance by one parent over another, or they themselves may be the victim of abuse or harsh, punitive behavior by a parent.
2. They lack empathy for others – Some children are naturally more empathetic toward others, toward animals, etc. while others may need to be taught this skill as they are maturing.  If parents and other adults fail to teach this skill, this may be a contributing cause to bullying behavior.
3. They possess feelings of entitlement – These children feel like the world owes them something.  They may come from a home where they are given everything they want, where consequences for poor behavior are minimal and they begin to believe they are more valued than most others. This child may also begin to internalize the belief that they can do anything they want and get away with it, including bullying.
4. They desire to be popular – These children want to be the most popular kid in school; they want everyone to know them, like them and want to be their friend. They may come from a home where parents value their children being the “popular kid” or running with the “in-crowd” and therefore feel tremendous pressure to satisfy their parents.
5. They possess feelings of jealousy or inadequacy / low self-esteem – These bullies target children and pick on them because of jealousy. Sometimes their bullying is targeted toward peers who they perceive as better than them or peers that have something they want.  Their behavior is often an attempt to make themselves feel better.

Once we understand who the bully is, it is much easier to understand why they target certain children. Most often it’s not that the victim has major differences, they just happen to be someone who is serving a purpose for the bullies own needs and feelings. It’s almost as if they are the wrong person, in the wrong place, at the wrong time, through no fault of their own. 

Research has shown however that many victims of bullying do tend to possess certain common traits:

1. They are socially withdrawn or isolate themselves from peers at school
2. They are sensitive or become easily distressed or moody
3. They seem anxious or tend to worry a lot

If a bully needs someone easy to overpower and control, it makes sense that children with these traits would make an ideal target.  It would be much easier to dominate someone who is withdrawn, usually alone, sensitive and/or anxious, than someone who is outgoing, surrounded by friends and confident.

Research also shows that children who have difficulty with the following social tasks are more likely to be victimized by bullies:

1. The inability to read the nonverbal social cues of their peers – For example they don’t notice a peer who rolls their eyes at them.
2. Difficulty understanding social meanings of behaviors – For example a peer that is tapping their feet or turning their head to hurry them along when they are telling them a story.
3.  Problems developing solutions for social conflict – For example a child who doesn’t have the social skills to resolve issues with other children and constantly tattles or uses ineffective solutions. 

Understanding why children bully and why they target certain peers for bullying is the first step to truly being able to stop bullying.  For both primary and secondary prevention, working with both the bullies and the victims, is an effective strategy.

For bullies, or children displaying the traits that may lead to bullying behavior, early intervention is essential. This would include teaching them empathy and helping them learn that feelings of jealousy, entitlement and power/control can have potentially negative consequences from an early age.

For children displaying the traits that bullies tend to target, teaching them how to not isolate themselves and function better socially is important. Teaching them skills such as how to better read social cues, understand their meaning, solve social conflicts and develop a network of supportive people may also help prevent bullying.

Helping children with these essential social skills is both important for us as individual parents and for schools in general if we hope to stop bullying and prevent bullying behavior in the future.  Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is the Monique Burr Foundation for Children’s bullying and child abuse prevention program. In SUBS we offer some of these bullying prevention strategies to children and schools. Our goal is to implement SUBS in every 1^st through 5^th grade Florida elementary class.

Stay tuned for our next few posts where we discuss the importance of adult intervention and how we as a community can come together with everyone having a role in bullying intervention and prevention.