Signs of Grooming in Child Sexual Abuse

What is grooming? Grooming is a deliberate process used by a perpetrator to establish a relationship with a child for the purpose of gaining the child’s trust and cooperation in order to accomplish a desired sexual act or acts. Grooming usually happens over a period of time, can involve the family as well as the child, and may take place in person or online.

Here are some common signs of grooming behaviors:

• Any child can be a target for grooming. However some children do make easier targets. Children without knowledge about sexual matters make easier targets as the perpetrators can offer the child information they are lacking and may be curious about.

• Predators look for children and families with a void in their lives and in their family unit and seek to fill that void for the parent(s) and child. For example they may look for a family with a single mother and offer to practice sports with her child.

• Predators use a variety of tactics to engage children. Some use tricks, bribes and force, others use a child’s natural curiosity to engage children. They may engage them in sexual conversations or show them pornography and use the child’s curiosity to initiate a conversation; this may then lead to other sexual behaviors and actions between the perpetrator and victim.

• Secrecy is often a way of bonding with children to ensure their privacy about the sexual behavior. They will give the child something or get the child to do something and then either blame the child or get the child to agree it is important to keep their actions a secret. This bonds the perpetrator to the child and enables the behavior to progress even further.

• Nonsexual touches are generally introduced first to desensitize children before later sexual touches are introduced. Usually by the time sexual touch is used by the predator, the child has been sufficiently groomed and will often cooperate and not tell an adult.

Here’s what parents and adults need to know and do:

• Be alert to any unusually attentive behavior by an adult toward your child. Trust your gut on this. If an adult is overly attentive or overly friendly, it is most likely a red flag you should pay attention to.

• Do not allow your child to be alone with other adults in one adult – one child situations. If they must be in one on one situations, make sure the adult knows you can and will drop in unannounced and that you or another adult are watching the situation. Also make sure they understand what your expectations are regarding boundaries with your child.

• Talk to your child about grooming behaviors and what is and is not appropriate behavior for an adult to do with a child.

• Ask your child questions about how adults interact with them, talk to them, and treat them, and respond to any red flags.

• Use available programs to become better educated yourself and also to better educate and empower your children to protect themselves.

Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is a comprehensive, research based, culturally and developmentally appropriate, school-based, bullying and child abuse prevention education program developed by the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. (MBF), Arizona State University, and Childhelp. The Foundation’s mission is to provide the program to all elementary students in Florida. If SUBS is not available in your child’s school, please ask your school to contact the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, or you can contact us directly at MoniqueBurrFoundation.org for more information. Adults can also become better educated and empowered with Darkness to Light’s Stewards of Children program, a prevention training program that teaches adults how to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. The program is designed for youth-serving organizations and adults concerned about the safety of children. It is the only nationally distributed, evidence-based program proven to increase knowledge, improve attitudes, and change child protective behaviors. More information can be found at www.D2L.org or by contacting MBF at MoniqueBurrFoundation.org.

Be prepared by knowing the signs of grooming behavior so your child does not become a victim. Your best protection is prevention!

The Economic Relationship to Child Abuse

As Thanksgiving has passed, many of us are clearly aware we have a lot to be thankful for. Most of us spent the holiday enjoying time with friends and family and sharing memories over a nice meal. Yet many families did not eat on Thanksgiving, nor do they have food in their homes on a regular basis. According to national statistics, one in four children do not know where their next meal will come from.

Nearly one in six Americans currently live in poverty. It is devastating to the family on so many levels, and as research shows it is also a contributing factor to higher rates of child abuse and neglect. A study released at the end of 2011, in the midst of the current recession, showed a correlation between a depressed economy and higher rates of abuse.

Researchers noted an increase in shaken baby syndrome, or abusive head trauma, as well as other types of abuse and neglect. The increase makes sense if you consider the ecological model of abuse and the risk factors that contribute to abuse: stress, substance abuse, domestic violence, parental discord, unemployment, and poverty. Poverty is also one of the main underlying causes of the commercial sexual exploitation of children.

The takeaway for all of us should be to ask ourselves what we could do to help those families currently struggling. How can we offer a bit of extra support to either a family or to organizations in the community that support struggling families such as food banks or nonprofits that protect children? If we have a little bit extra (money or time), now is the time to step up and give a little bit extra to help families in need. It’s the right thing to do and it may help protect a child from maltreatment as well.

Let's Talk About "Talking to Kids"

Everywhere you turn it’s in the news nowadays… the sexual abuse and exploitation of children. On one hand it’s good – and I only mean good in the sense that people are finally taking notice. The media is reporting it, blogs are talking about it, society is hearing about it. But it’s also bad in that we are seeing for the first time in history how truly pervasive this crime really is.

My concern is the more we talk about, the more cases we list, the more perpetrators we expose – do we risk society becoming apathetic? I think some citizens and some parents will become more aware, enlightened and engaged, but I fear others will become desensitized and disengage.

I would rather accept that most of society knows this is a problem at this point and offer solutions. So today’s post is just that – a solution – at least part of the solution. The true solution to child sexual abuse and exploitation, as the entire Monique Burr Foundation for Children (MBF) team learned recently at the Prevent Child Abuse America conference, is a multidimensional approach that encompasses many strategies and partners. One of those strategies is educating children.

So let’s talk today about talking to kids. If, as we always say, adults are responsible for keeping kids safe is true, why do we need to talk to kids? Because the child is the predator’s target and we can’t be with our kids 24/7. In other words, we can do the best we can to protect them, but if we don’t prepare them to protect themselves, a smart and manipulative predator might easily target and victimize them. So we need to empower and educate our children to help us keep them safe.

What do we talk to them about and when? There is no magic formula. The keys are to be available and to get over our own uncomfortable feelings about the topics we need to discuss. Topics which are many and varied – from basic body part names at the youngest of ages to safe use of social media at older ages. Sometimes as parents we get so busy that when our kids come to us we make them feel they are unimportant and we are too busy. Our goal should be to let them know we are always available to talk about anything. When kids know we are available, they are more likely to come to us with their questions and concerns, including questions about the more sensitive, scary or uncomfortable topics.

As adults, as parents, it is our responsibility to get over our own feelings of anxiety to protect our children. Even educated professionals are often uncomfortable talking to children about sex, sexual abuse, sexual exploitation and pornography. These are truly uncomfortable topics – I get that. But there are two very good reasons we must talk to our kids anyway.

Studies reveal children know more than we think they do and at younger ages than we assume. A Symantec study revealed that the fourth most frequently searched term on the Internet for children 7 and under was “porn,” indicating they have heard the word somewhere and they want to know what it is. And if we don’t talk to our children… somebody else will. Interviews with predators have revealed they look for children who don’t have knowledge and are curious about sexual topics and they initiate intimate conversations with them. These initial contacts often lead to further, and often willing, sexual activity.

We must not kid ourselves into thinking that our child is not susceptible to these predators. Every child – even the best, most innocent and well-protected child needs to be educated with safety information in order to protect themselves.

If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable thinking about having these discussions with your child MBF is here to help. The Monique Burr Foundation for Children has added a great resource to our website, “Discussing Sensitive Topics – A Parent Activity” to help parents who may be struggling to have these important conversations with their children. You can learn more about the age at which children are first exposed to these types of topics and the rates at which children are victimized and exploited in our country. Our resource about "Discussing Sensitive Topics" will help you understand the true risks and also help you better prepare to have these important but sometimes uncomfortable conversations with children. Let MBF help you look forward to important and potentially life saving conversations with your child. You will be empowering them with knowledge that will protect them from predators for years to come!

The Reality of Child Sexual Abuse & Exploitation in the U.S. in the aftermath of the Sandusky Verdict

In light of the Sandusky verdict Tuesday, it might be tempting for us to try to put the entire scandal, the entire hideous thought of what happened in that town behind us. But I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that that was just one case out of thousands. That every day in our country there are thousands of children, thousands of victims, millions of survivors, living out the same terrible life story as Sandusky's victims.

I am not here to debate the sentence, not here to give voice to Sandusky via his statement, not to rehash the case or trial. I am here only to ask what of the others and where do we, as a society, go from here? As Judge John Cleland told Sandusky at his sentencing “The crime is not only what you did to their bodies but to their psyches and their souls and the assault to the well-being of the larger community in which we all live."

“The larger community in which we all live?” Offenders do not offend in a bubble. They do not offend only their victims. It is time for the larger community to see this not as an individual crime, not as a family issue, but as a public safety issue, as a societal ill that every single person can help to eradicate if only… if only they grasp the reality of the problem, if only they are willing to stop turning away at the terrible thought of what is happening to children, if only they will stand up with the person next to them and say, “enough! – I’ve had enough and I am going to do something about it.”

Although the following statistics¹ are not easy to read, please take this step and learn about child sexual abuse and exploitation. When we open our eyes to the truth we become better educated and can begin to address this societal epidemic and put an end to it.

What is Child Sexual Abuse?

·      Child sex abuse includes body contact, such as kissing and oral, anal, or vaginal sex. Sex abuse can also include “flashing” or showing private parts, forcing children to watch pornography, voyeurism (trying to look at a child’s naked body), pressuring children for sex, having sex in front of children, and exploiting children for pornography or prostitution.

·     “Child-on-child sexual abuse” occurs when a prepubescent child is abused sexually by another child or children. Often, the child perpetrator has been sexually victimized by an adult previously. “Inter-sibling abuse” occurs when one sibling molests his/her own sibling.

How common is it really?

·      In the United States, approximately 1 out of every 4 girls and 1 out of every 6 boys is sexually abused.

·      Approximately 1.3 million children in America are sexually assaulted each year. There are an estimated 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse in America.

·      A 2004 study revealed that 9.6% of public school children, accounting for 4.5 million students, have experienced sexual misconduct, from being told sexual jokes to sexual intercourse by educators. Offenders include teachers (18%), coaches (15%), substitute teachers (13%), principals (6%), and student counselors (5%).

How does it affect victims?

·      Sexual abuse, or any kind of abuse, negatively and permanently affects the physical development of a child’s brain. These physical changes result in psychological and emotional problems in adulthood. 

·      Women who were sexually abused as children reported significantly lower SAT test scores than women who were not abused.

Is most abuse reported?

·      Most children do not tell anyone they have been abused, and those who do tell often have to tell several people before any action is taken.

·      It is estimated that less than half of all sexual assaults on children are reported to the police.

·      Children may not reveal sexual abuse because they feel shame or guilt, they worry no one will believe them, they fear being removed from their home, and they or their family may have been threatened. Very young children may not have the language skills to report the abuse or may not understand they are being abused.

·      The generally lower rate for male sex abuse may be largely inaccurate due to underreporting. Because men are traditionally encouraged to be physically strong and competitive, male victims may be more hesitant to report sexual abuse because they feel they are “less of a man.”

Who are the abusers?

·      According to the APA, women are the abusers in about 14% of cases reported among boys and 6% of cases reported among girls.

·      Male offenders who abused girls have an average of 52 victims each. Men who molested boys had an average of 150 victims each.

·      Approximately 23% of reported cases of child sexual abuse are perpetrated by individuals under the age of 18.

·      Approximately 60% of sexual abusers are known to the child but are not family members, such as family friends, babysitters, or neighbors.

·      Approximately 30% of sexual abusers are family members, such as fathers, mothers, brothers, uncles, or cousins.

·      Researchers estimate that 20 million Americans have been victims of parental incest as children.

Child Pornography

·      Child pornography is one of the fastest growing Internet businesses, increasing at an average 150% per year for each of the last 10 years. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) reports that it has reviewed more than 51 million child pornography images and videos.

·      There is a clear link between possession of child pornography and the actual violation of children. The NCMEC estimates that 40% or more of people who possess child pornography also sexually assault children.

·      Of the arrests for the possession of child pornography during 2000-2001 in the U.S., 83% had pornographic materials of children between ages 6 and 12, 39% had material involving children between ages 3 and 5, and 19% had material of toddlers under the age of 3 or infants.

Pedophiles & Child Molesters

·      Not all pedophiles are child molesters, and some child molesters do not meet the clinical definition of a pedophile. Pedophilia is a clinical term that describes a person who has had repeated arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors related to sexual activities with children for at least six months. Pedophiles do not necessarily have to act on their urges. Child molesters have the same attraction to children, but they act on their urges.

·      According to Dr. Herbert Wagemaker, an estimated 4% of the population suffers from sexual attraction toward children.

·      The re-arrest rate for convicted child molesters is 52%.

·      Between 250,000 – 500,000 child molesters reside in the U.S. today.

·      Child molesters come from all backgrounds and social classes. However, most molesters (1) are male, (2) work in an environment surrounded by children, (3) befriend the parents first and then gain the child’s trust, and (4) attend events such as sports, camping, and video arcades.

·      According to the FBI, approximately 1 in 10 men have molested a child, with little chance of being caught (3%). Additionally, the FBI estimates that a child has almost a 25% chance of being molested.

·      The FBI estimates that there is a sex offender living in every square mile in the United States.

While these statistics are alarming, our intent is not to be alarmist. The Monique Burr Foundation for Children works very hard to educate and empower both children and adults through our Speak Up Be Safe™ program and through our community resources like this blog.

It is our hope that the legacy of Jerry Sandusky, for both his victims and for the community at large will be one of “education and empowerment.” Prevent Child Abuse America published a “Call to Action” Tuesday that we hope every American Citizen will read and we are happy to share it!

Every American citizen needs to get involved and act to protect all children whether it affects us personally or not.  All children deserve to be safe from sexual assault and exploitation.  And all adults can either be a part of the problem or a part of the solution. Today, now, you get to make the choice.  Please follow our blog and Facebook page to learn more and become a partner with us to protect all children!  Thank you for your bravery and your dedication!

¹  http://facts.randomhistory.com/child-sexual-abuse-facts.html