Shout-out to School Counselors and Speak Up Be Safe™ Facilitators!

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog posts to give a big shout-out to all school counselors in recognition of this being National School Counseling Week!  To each and every school counselor we say thank you!  Thank you for your hard work every day in the schools to support students in their efforts to be successful, not only in their academic achievements but in their lives in general. 

One thing the MBF team has learned over the past three years in working so closely with hundreds of school counselors across the state of Florida is how hard each and every one of you work. You not only spend your days dealing with student testing and academic achievement, but you deal with student drama, unmet needs, stress, and even individual and family crises.  You are the go-to person in the school for all things academic and social related and you handle it with professionalism and compassion.  For this and more, we honor all Florida School Counselors today (and every day).

But the MBF team must take a moment and point out a group of very special school counselors – a group of over 650 very dedicated elementary school counselors across the state of Florida that we are so very grateful to know and work with, our Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) Certified Facilitators.  These counselors decided that the safety and protection of their students was worth the extra time and energy, and in addition to their regularly scheduled duties, became trained and are implementing the SUBS program.

SUBS teaches kids in 1^st – 5^th grades strategies to help them identify unsafe situations and empowers them to help the adults in their lives better protect them from bullying, cyberbullying, digital abuse and all types of child abuse.  Despite the topics being uncomfortable, despite their days being filled to capacity, despite the fact they know the program will bring out disclosures and make additional work for them, these counselors choose to voluntarily implement this research-based and effective program because they know their efforts are worth it to protect their kids and prevent the potential damage of bullying and maltreatment.  Those kids, and our state, are lucky to have them!

So in honor of National School Counseling Week, here’s to all counselors, but especially to our SUBS counselors! We could not have provided SUBS to over 260,000 students so far without them – we are truly blessed to have each and every SUBS counselor on our team, and we honor them not just this week – but every week, and every day!

School Shootings: Are we asking the right questions?

Lynn Layton, Executive Director of the Monique Burr Foundation for Children (MBF), and I recently attended the Florida Association of School Administrator’s Legislative Days in Tallahassee and one thing that we heard mentioned several times was the concern of school administrators about safe schools and their hope that the Governor and Education Commissioner would prioritize some funding and support to improve school safety.  As a parent, hearing that was nice.  To know schools are concerned with the safety of my child and every other child is comforting.  I hope it is an issue that legislators and schools continue to focus on.

And then again yesterday there was another school shooting.  A student at an Atlanta middle school shot and injured another student.  IN 21 YEARS, from 1992 to 2013 there have now been 10 school shootings in elementary, middle and high schools in the United States that have tragically injured or killed 155 adults and students (and more before that, I’m sure).

In response to this there is talk of arming teachers or administrators in school, or of providing armed guards for every school in our country.  And of course we are seeing congressional hearings to discuss newer, stricter gun control laws as well.  I’m not an expert in gun control, but I do wonder if we are asking the right questions or considering the right answers.  Isn’t it time we as a society think in terms of prevention and be proactive rather than reactive?  Instead of providing armed guards to schools, why don’t we provide more counselors and social workers to schools?  Why don’t we provide violence prevention programs to schools?  Why don’t we work diligently to determine why shootings occur in the first place and seek to effect change at that level?  That is a strategy that actually makes sense! 

But I believe we already know why most of these tragedies occur.  In a 2000 Chicago Sun Times exclusive report, after interviewing 41 school shooters, in 37 incidents, the Secret Service found that two-thirds had been bullied and attacks were motivated by revenge*.  And there is a lot of bullying occurring these days, so I’m afraid these types of attacks may actually be on the rise.

In Florida alone – the average number of children that are reported as bullied, abused or neglected total 153 EACH DAY, and that is only the number reported – not the actual number of children who ARE bullied, abused or neglected EACH DAY.  Every one of the 155 adults and students shot on school grounds was an extremely valuable human life and we in no way want to minimize their injury or death; but if we focus on the 153 abused or bullied kids each day, if we seek to prevent their abuse and maltreatment, maybe we can prevent future shootings from occurring.

The Monique Burr Foundation for Children provides a program called Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) – a national, research based bullying and child abuse prevention program – to all Florida public elementary schools at no cost to the schools.  Speak Up Be Safe educates and empowers 1^st through 5^th grade students with knowledge and strategies to identify and react to unsafe situations and to help the adults in their lives keep them safe.  It teaches kids empathy and bystander intervention, two strategies shown to be effective in bullying prevention.

Please visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS to learn more about the program and ask your school if they are providing SUBS to their students.  If not, please encourage them to begin offering SUBS now.  As one parent, with just this one action, you can make a big difference in the lives of so many children!  And maybe, in the future, we can prevent more tragic events from happening to innocent victims as a consequence of abuse and bullying.

All kids deserve to be safe!  Let’s make 2013 the year we all work together – parents, schools and organizations – to protect all children!

*Source:  http://powerreporting.com/shoot.pdf

Signs of Grooming in Child Sexual Abuse

What is grooming? Grooming is a deliberate process used by a perpetrator to establish a relationship with a child for the purpose of gaining the child’s trust and cooperation in order to accomplish a desired sexual act or acts. Grooming usually happens over a period of time, can involve the family as well as the child, and may take place in person or online.

Here are some common signs of grooming behaviors:

• Any child can be a target for grooming. However some children do make easier targets. Children without knowledge about sexual matters make easier targets as the perpetrators can offer the child information they are lacking and may be curious about.

• Predators look for children and families with a void in their lives and in their family unit and seek to fill that void for the parent(s) and child. For example they may look for a family with a single mother and offer to practice sports with her child.

• Predators use a variety of tactics to engage children. Some use tricks, bribes and force, others use a child’s natural curiosity to engage children. They may engage them in sexual conversations or show them pornography and use the child’s curiosity to initiate a conversation; this may then lead to other sexual behaviors and actions between the perpetrator and victim.

• Secrecy is often a way of bonding with children to ensure their privacy about the sexual behavior. They will give the child something or get the child to do something and then either blame the child or get the child to agree it is important to keep their actions a secret. This bonds the perpetrator to the child and enables the behavior to progress even further.

• Nonsexual touches are generally introduced first to desensitize children before later sexual touches are introduced. Usually by the time sexual touch is used by the predator, the child has been sufficiently groomed and will often cooperate and not tell an adult.

Here’s what parents and adults need to know and do:

• Be alert to any unusually attentive behavior by an adult toward your child. Trust your gut on this. If an adult is overly attentive or overly friendly, it is most likely a red flag you should pay attention to.

• Do not allow your child to be alone with other adults in one adult – one child situations. If they must be in one on one situations, make sure the adult knows you can and will drop in unannounced and that you or another adult are watching the situation. Also make sure they understand what your expectations are regarding boundaries with your child.

• Talk to your child about grooming behaviors and what is and is not appropriate behavior for an adult to do with a child.

• Ask your child questions about how adults interact with them, talk to them, and treat them, and respond to any red flags.

• Use available programs to become better educated yourself and also to better educate and empower your children to protect themselves.

Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is a comprehensive, research based, culturally and developmentally appropriate, school-based, bullying and child abuse prevention education program developed by the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. (MBF), Arizona State University, and Childhelp. The Foundation’s mission is to provide the program to all elementary students in Florida. If SUBS is not available in your child’s school, please ask your school to contact the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, or you can contact us directly at MoniqueBurrFoundation.org for more information. Adults can also become better educated and empowered with Darkness to Light’s Stewards of Children program, a prevention training program that teaches adults how to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse. The program is designed for youth-serving organizations and adults concerned about the safety of children. It is the only nationally distributed, evidence-based program proven to increase knowledge, improve attitudes, and change child protective behaviors. More information can be found at www.D2L.org or by contacting MBF at MoniqueBurrFoundation.org.

Be prepared by knowing the signs of grooming behavior so your child does not become a victim. Your best protection is prevention!

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Get Involved to Stop Bullying - How You and Others Can Make a Difference!

As we stated in the last post, our goal in this series was to educate and empower parents, students, school staff, and anyone else interested in stopping bullying. Hopefully some of the resources we gave you in the last post will better educate you and give you some ideas if you want to learn more and do more to fight this social epidemic. But we also thought it might be helpful to give you some examples of how people are getting involved to bring awareness and prevention to their own schools and communities.

Kids are getting involved! On Friday, September 24^th, more than 700 fifth graders from nine Miami-Dade area schools took a “Victory Against Violence” pledge led by Miami Police Chief Manuel Orosa. The pledge was against violence and bullying at the “Back Without A Bang” Youth Rally Against Violence created by the Do The Right Thing Program. Participants wore “I Took the Pledge” t-shirts and received laminated copies of the pledge. All of the students also signed a giant, 4x8 foot copy of the pledge, which will be sent to Florida Governor Rick Scott.

Law enforcement and education institutions are getting involved! On Saturday, September 15^th, Polk County law enforcement agencies teamed up with Polk State College to educate and empower the community on a variety of crime prevention issues, including cyber safety and bullying. The Lakeland Ledger’s Kyle Kennedy stated, “Law enforcement officials highlighted bullying because they said it is considered a public health issue and one of the first forms of violence that many people experience. It can also be a factor in youth suicides.” There was also information on cyberbullying presented in various workshops.  Jay Best, a special agent with the Florida Department of Law Enforcement, taught parents that it’s not easy to limit Internet time for preteens because of the necessity of using computers for homework, but that Internet time brings with it serious dangers. “Facebook in particular can be dangerous when used as a tool for harassment among students, or when youth are careless in giving out personal information and pictures to strangers,” officials said.

And businesses and communities are getting involved as well! On Tuesday, September 18^th, Bright House Networks teamed up with Seminole County and News 13 to host a Town Hall meeting. Members of the community, especially teens from Lake Howell High School, attended and discussed methods to stop bullying. Later this fall, Lake Howell High will dedicate an entire month to stopping bullying. If you didn’t make it to that forum, News 13 is planning more “Stop the Bullying” town hall meetings around Central Florida throughout the school year, check their community events page for information.

And on October 27^th at 9:00 am, at Lake Francis in downtown Madison, Florida there will be a 5K Run, Walk, Roll Against Bullying for the community and all schools including the community college will unite and take a stand against bullying. Businesses, churches and civic organizations in the community will partner to show that no bullying will be tolerated in Madison County.

This is just a very small sample of what people are doing to actively bring awareness to the issue of bullying and to talk about how they and others can stop bullying; however, the important point is that they are doing something. The Bully Project and big, elaborate efforts are important, as are educational programs such as our school curriculum Speak Up Be Safe^TM.  It is important that we get our program into every elementary school to teach kids not to bully and prevent bullying before it ever starts.

However, if bullying is already happening or if you're willing to step up, small grassroots efforts in your own school or community are the real projects that will make a difference to the victims, the bystanders and the bullies. One person – you – can make a difference. You can stop bullying; you just have to be willing to get involved!

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Bullying Prevention Programs and Resources

The main goal of this bullying blog series has been to educate and empower parents, students and school staff about bullying and cyberbullying. The series provided a variety of posts ranging from prevention tools to intervention techniques with the goal of educating parents, victims, bystanders and school staff to become empowered to take action.

The series included specific information such as definitions, types, signs, who bullies and why, who they target, how and why adults need to intervene and more. We have tried to explain how bullying is hurting so many children today and what adults need to know to act appropriately in response.

However, there is only so much information that can be presented in a blog over 5 weeks. Thus, to continue educating and empowering our readers, we thought it was appropriate to provide you with additional resources.

There are literally thousands of bullying websites and programs available, however we chose to present only a handful of the best-known and most educational sites that provide superb material, videos and even activities for parents, children and educators.

Here are some of the best, and best-known, bullying websites and resources:

StopBullying.gov

The official government bullying website with general information, research and policy information, as well as videos and a help section.

Pacer.org/bullying

PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center unites, engages and educates communities to address and prevent bullying through creative, relevant and interactive digital resources for parents, schools, youth and teens.

TeensAgainstBullying.org

A place created by and for teens, where middle and high school students can find ways to address bullying, take action, be heard and join an important cause.

KidsAgainstBullying.org

A creative, innovative and educational site designed by and for elementary school students to learn about bullying prevention, engage in activities and be inspired to take action.

Team Up To Stop Bullying

Team Up To Stop Bullying provides a trusted place for students, children, victims, parents, educators, schools and communities to find bullying solutions. The site provides resources, advice and solution options for students, victims, parents and schools who are coping with a bullying issue.

TheBullyProject.org

The Bully Project highlights solutions that both address immediate needs and lead to systemic change. Starting with the film’s STOP BULLYING. SPEAK UP! call to action, The Bully Project will catalyze audience awareness to action with a series of tools and programs supported by regional and national partners. The Bully Project is a collaborative effort that brings together partner organizations that share a commitment to ending bullying and ultimately transforming society.

SolutionsForBullying.com

Provides a step-by-step guide with a wide variety of options to allow families to tailor their own solution to stop bullying. The site includes white papers, family contracts, reporting forms and more.

StompOutBullying.org

A national antibullying program designed to reshape attitudes…change behaviors…and end bullying.

ViolencePreventionWorks.org

The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program
(OBPP) is the most researched and best–known bullying prevention program available today.

Our hope is that you will continue your learning and take an active role in helping kids regarding bullying intervention and prevention long after this blog series ends next week.