Bree's Bully Busters!

Tap..Tap..Tap..is this thing on?

Helloooo out there! My name is Breeanna DeGrove, I’m 11 years old in the 6^th grade at James Weldon Johnson College Preparatory School and I’m pretty new and quite nervous about this new adventure.  Mostly I’m excited to get a chance to share my story.  So….once upon a time.  Oh wait, that’s a different story. My story is quite different, and still developing, but I’m predicting a happy, happy girl as the main character!  I’m sad to say that I haven’t always been so happy; I had been bullied for several years.  To help other kids, and their bullies find healthier ways to handle this terrible behavior, I started a club at my elementary school called, Bully Busters.

I had been bullied for a long time. I didn’t tell my mom or my teachers.  I just tried to fix it myself.  I thought it would get better and eventually they would all like me.  It wasn’t just the mean words they would say or the physical things they would do, but being left out, to sit alone at lunch every day or not be included in group projects in school was especially hard.   I would try so hard to get them to like me, but no one wanted to be my friend.  Even when they did want to be my friend, the main bully would take it out on them.  They were scared of him, and didn’t want him to treat them that way, so they did whatever he said.  I would cry…a lot.  And that didn’t help anything.  But I was very sad and didn’t know what to do.

The club first came as an idea to me as I was sitting across the bench from the main bully in my life.  We had both gotten in trouble.  He got in trouble for hitting me; I got in trouble for talking to him in the first place.  While our teacher was talking to another teacher, he told me that he was sorry for being so mean to me.  He was going through some things at home, some very sad things, and he just picked on me because I cried and it made him feel better.  He said he knew better, he wanted to be better, but that he couldn’t help himself. I decided there had to be a better way, and that’s how I came up with the idea of the Bully Buster club. 

I began writing letters to my principal asking her for help in starting the club.  Unfortunately, I only signed them with my first name, and since my name is pretty popular, she had no idea which “Bree” was signing the letters. I mentioned to my mom that I had been writing the principal and I had not heard back, so my mom called the school.  The principal was so happy to figure out it was me, and she immediately set up some time with me to talk about a plan.  The school year was almost over, so we made an agreement to meet over the summer and work out what we wanted to do for the club.  My mom reached out to a local mental health organization that specialized in bullying prevention, and they said they would help us however they could!  By the time we met for the first time, I had a teacher sponsor and had all my ideas on paper and was ready to get started!  We were all very excited!   We made a plan to have a “Kick off” walk for the club.  We scheduled the walk for the second week of September.  We asked everyone to wear purple (my favorite color) and we had all the kids in grades 3-5 walk around the baseball fields, with music, prizes and a pledge the kids signed saying they would stand up to bullying.  There was SO much purple!!  Even the coach wore purple! To my surprise, the local media came out and it was on the front page of the local newspaper!  I was shocked!  After the walk, so many kids came up to me to say “Thank you”.  They too had been bullied and didn’t know what to do or how to handle it.  They felt like they weren’t alone.  That really stuck with me because I thought I was the ONLY one going through what I was dealing with.  It really made me wonder how many other kids were trying to get through this all alone.

The first meeting was only expected to be 10-20 kids, but 60 students showed up!!!! EVEN MY BULLY!!!! I was shocked at the number of kids who had been living with this in silence all this time.  We are just elementary school kids.  How does this happen?  We met monthly all through my 5^th grade year and the club grew each week. By the last meeting of the school year, about 85 kids were active members of the Bully Buster Club.  We would break out into groups; we talked about things that were going on; things either happening to us or we had observed; we answered questions and practiced how to handle these situations more effectively in the future.  We all learned useful tools to help us be better friends to each other.  And we had snacks!  It was a lot of fun!  We talked about how bullying can be verbal, cyber, or physical.  We also talked about how it affects not only the person who is getting bullied, but the bystander (the person who sees it happen) and the person who is the actual bully.  A lot of times, the bully is going through something really hard, and they don’t know how to deal with it, so they take it out on other people.  And the bystander is too afraid to speak up!  The club gave these kids a chance to work out what is going on with them, and how to approach things differently without hurting others.   It even spread to other schools in our city!  At least two other schools I know of started their own Bully Busters chapters!  I’m so excited that kids are helping other kids!

Even though I feel like bullying is still a big problem, I feel like maybe this club helped someone even just a little bit.  Don’t be like the countless kids around the US who choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Just tell a teacher or an adult you can trust and everything WILL get better!  It takes time, I’m not going to make it seem like it’s an overnight fix.  You’re going to have really good days and then some bad days, but the good days will be really good and the bad days won’t be as bad as they used to be.

I’m in middle school now, and I still deal with some of these kinds of behaviors every day.  But I know how to handle it more effectively now, I think.  I’m actively trying to find a sponsor in my new school to carry on the club there because I think a lot of people can benefit from this opportunity to discuss how they feel.  I think it would be very helpful for all middle schoolers.  Being bullied or seeing someone else be bullied is never, ever ok.  You have to take action!

If you are being bullied, find someone to give you a hug, it’s going to be ok. Try to find someone to help you.  Don’t be afraid; find someone you trust that you can talk to.  Don’t do anything bad.  Don’t skip school, do drugs or any stuff that you think will help, I promise you it won’t.   It will all get better; this is just a quick snapshot of your life.  My mom told me about how she was bullied when she was a kid, they were all mean to her and didn’t like her. And now that she’s successful and happy, these same people want to be her friend on Facebook!  They are mean now, but one day they will figure out you’re something special and want to be YOUR friend.  You’re a nice person, don’t forget that.  Everyone has their little quirks, so what?  You could be a musical genius, but stink at math!  You could be an awesome artist, but stink at track!  You’re quirks make you, YOU.  You’re YOUNIQUE.  Being YOU is one of the most beautiful things on this earth. There’s no one else like you, and that’s pretty awesome!

My 8 year old brother wants me to tell you that if you cry in front of the bully, they will just keep doing it.  And, for once, he’s right.  Just walk away and act like they don’t bother you.  Rubber ducky! Whatever they say bounces off you and smacks them in the beak.  I know, I know, it sounds really easy.  And it was hard for me to do it too.  But you have to remember, you are amazing.  You might think you’re all alone, but you’re not!  You should not be bullied for being you.  Don’t let anyone put you down! 

If you feel like you’re being bullied, listen to “Beautiful” by Christina Aguilera.  Listen to songs that make you feel special. Listen to them over and over and over until you believe the lyrics.  I’ll even lend you my favorite song, “Firework” by Katy Perry.   “You don’t have to feel like a wasted space, you’re original, cannot be replaced. If you only knew just what the future holds, after a hurricane, comes a rainbow.”  Sometimes it rains a long time, but it never rains forever. 

Well, I think I've rambled on long enough.  I’m happy to hear from you!   This is my first try at anything like this, so I’m open to any suggestions you might have.  Hopefully they will have me back.

Never forget that you’re never alone. I’ll be your friend; I’ll lend you my hand.  Together, we can stop bullying!

Always,

Breeanna

School Shootings: Are we asking the right questions?

Lynn Layton, Executive Director of the Monique Burr Foundation for Children (MBF), and I recently attended the Florida Association of School Administrator’s Legislative Days in Tallahassee and one thing that we heard mentioned several times was the concern of school administrators about safe schools and their hope that the Governor and Education Commissioner would prioritize some funding and support to improve school safety.  As a parent, hearing that was nice.  To know schools are concerned with the safety of my child and every other child is comforting.  I hope it is an issue that legislators and schools continue to focus on.

And then again yesterday there was another school shooting.  A student at an Atlanta middle school shot and injured another student.  IN 21 YEARS, from 1992 to 2013 there have now been 10 school shootings in elementary, middle and high schools in the United States that have tragically injured or killed 155 adults and students (and more before that, I’m sure).

In response to this there is talk of arming teachers or administrators in school, or of providing armed guards for every school in our country.  And of course we are seeing congressional hearings to discuss newer, stricter gun control laws as well.  I’m not an expert in gun control, but I do wonder if we are asking the right questions or considering the right answers.  Isn’t it time we as a society think in terms of prevention and be proactive rather than reactive?  Instead of providing armed guards to schools, why don’t we provide more counselors and social workers to schools?  Why don’t we provide violence prevention programs to schools?  Why don’t we work diligently to determine why shootings occur in the first place and seek to effect change at that level?  That is a strategy that actually makes sense! 

But I believe we already know why most of these tragedies occur.  In a 2000 Chicago Sun Times exclusive report, after interviewing 41 school shooters, in 37 incidents, the Secret Service found that two-thirds had been bullied and attacks were motivated by revenge*.  And there is a lot of bullying occurring these days, so I’m afraid these types of attacks may actually be on the rise.

In Florida alone – the average number of children that are reported as bullied, abused or neglected total 153 EACH DAY, and that is only the number reported – not the actual number of children who ARE bullied, abused or neglected EACH DAY.  Every one of the 155 adults and students shot on school grounds was an extremely valuable human life and we in no way want to minimize their injury or death; but if we focus on the 153 abused or bullied kids each day, if we seek to prevent their abuse and maltreatment, maybe we can prevent future shootings from occurring.

The Monique Burr Foundation for Children provides a program called Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) – a national, research based bullying and child abuse prevention program – to all Florida public elementary schools at no cost to the schools.  Speak Up Be Safe educates and empowers 1^st through 5^th grade students with knowledge and strategies to identify and react to unsafe situations and to help the adults in their lives keep them safe.  It teaches kids empathy and bystander intervention, two strategies shown to be effective in bullying prevention.

Please visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS to learn more about the program and ask your school if they are providing SUBS to their students.  If not, please encourage them to begin offering SUBS now.  As one parent, with just this one action, you can make a big difference in the lives of so many children!  And maybe, in the future, we can prevent more tragic events from happening to innocent victims as a consequence of abuse and bullying.

All kids deserve to be safe!  Let’s make 2013 the year we all work together – parents, schools and organizations – to protect all children!

*Source:  http://powerreporting.com/shoot.pdf

My Recent Wake Up Call

Twice last week I left my twelve year old and ten and a half year old alone after school for a few hours. No different than other weeks, and not unlike parents of millions of children around the country, I consider them old enough to be home safely, following my established safety rules and with neighbors nearby in case of emergencies, until I get home just a few hours later.

So you can probably imagine my surprise when twice last week I received phone calls that each of them had opened the door for strangers, service call personnel, who luckily were nice people that turned and left our home upon learning from the girls that I was not home. 

What I know is that this could have turned out very differently. If either of these individuals were bad people, pedophiles, ill intentioned, or worse, my kids might not be in the other room right now. I am very thankful that it turned out well.

I am also thankful for the reminder that kids need ongoing safety and prevention education. Honestly, I haven’t talked to my kids about our safety rules in a while. Maybe I think because of what I do for a living they somehow “get it” and I don’t need to have those continual conversations with them. I learned last week I was very wrong, and I hope every parent that reads this post will learn from my recent “wake up” that they also need to have those continual conversations with their own kids.

We hear it said over and over, “adults are responsible for keeping kids safe,” and we agree completely. But we also know we can’t be with them 24/7 so we must educate and empower them to help protect themselves. And we do that by talking to them and teaching them. Not once, not a few times, but continuously.

If we all work together – parents, schools, and community members – we can be very effective at teaching them and protecting them. The Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) program works to do just that - educate and empower children. It teaches elementary students about personal safety, bullying and child abuse prevention starting in first grade and reinforces and builds upon learning skills every year. The program has multiple sessions, and the curriculum concepts are reinforced by teachers and parents with activities and learning strategies designed to foster ongoing communication and continued learning for kids.

The strategies used in SUBS can be used by all of us in our every day lives to better protect our kids.  We can teach our kids important safety concepts, start young, reinforce skills previously taught and build upon them as our kids get older.  Most importantly, we can continue the conversations and learning activities day after day, week after week, and month after month as opportunities present themselves and as we learn things our kids need to know to educate and empower them to better protect themselves.

Some things are blessings in disguise I suppose. I guess it’s time for me to get busy talking about these things with my kids. You too maybe? Not sure what to say? Keep following our blog and we’ll give you some ideas in upcoming posts!

Season's Greetings from your MBF Team

Season’s greetings friends. I’m Ed Burr, Founder and President of the Board at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. We would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and in doing so spend a few moments reflecting on the gifts we have been given as an organization this past year… our facilitators and schools that have implemented our Speak Up Be Safe™ bullying and child abuse prevention program, our donors and sponsors, volunteers, and our terrific team.  Each of our team members brings so much to our foundation and our program and we thought it was a great time for them to share a bit about themselves and what they think is important about our work.

Lynn Layton – Executive Director

Greetings!  I am Lynn Layton, the executive director of the foundation, wife of Glenn Layton and mom to Clark Fouraker and Mallory Layton.  I have been with the foundation for five years.  I have the honor of working with Ed, our Board of Directors, and our team to help protect children from bullying and child abuse.  I am blessed with the love of my Savior, my family, my friends and the continued success and provisions that we receive to allow our work to continue.  Speak Up Be Safe is provided to public elementary schools at no cost to the school through the help of our donors and grants we receive; we hope to keep it that way! 

My prevention wish this season is that as a country, we can stop for a few minutes, put down our electronic devices and actually have eye contact with our children to help them understand that communicating with each other is best when done with our voices and not our fingers.  Teaching kids that instant response is not necessary and that patience is a virtue is a wonderful gift we can give children this season. 

In fact, there a lot of gifts we adults have to offer children, such as honest conversations.  The world can be a scary place and children need to know that adults are there to help keep them safe.  We need to get over being uncomfortable talking about scary topics because if we don’t talk to them, someone else will and most likely, they will share harmful or incorrect information.  We can get involved and ask our child’s school what prevention programs they offer students.  We can “show up” for our children – get educated, be aware, talk to them often, and advocate for safety and prevention.  Merry Christmas and Best Wishes for a safe and informed 2013!

Amy Raymond – Administrative Assistant

Cheers!  I’m Amy and I have been with the Foundation for one year in my position with the goal of supporting the team to fulfill our vision.  It’s a great time of year for individuals, families, and organizations to reflect upon their successes and ongoing goals.  Every day working in this field brings new challenges, but with it great rewards. During my time here, my eyes have been opened to the risks our children face on a daily basis; however, I’ve learned that what we do at the Foundation literally changes children’s lives for the better.  My wish this holiday season is that every caregiver recognizes the importance of expressing love and taking the time to nurture children – and not just during the holidays, but every day.  This is the core of what creates healthy, happy kids and promotes a safe and healthy community.

Cori Wilson – Finance/Data Manager

Hi, I’m Cori Wilson, I manage all things data related at MBF and at home I manage a four-year old little boy. I'd like to share with you what I consider a cause for celebration this Christmas, our work at MBF.  For some reason, be it ignorance, fear, or disbelief, I see the reality of bullying and child abuse largely ignored during most people’s every day lives.  Parents teach their children to hold their hands when crossing the street, but they forget to teach them to talk to them if they feel scared or confused. However, MBF is changing that for the children in Florida, and I am proud to celebrate every success along the way with our team and our supporters.

Each lesson I learn as a parent, to me is a cause to celebrate as I consider it another way my child will grow up safer and better protected. I have learned as a parent of a four year old to not let my fears influence my tongue, because I have learned if we don’t talk to our children, someone else will. When my child brings up a scary subject it is tempting to change the subject, but I now know I must face the issue head on. I give him the truth, with reasons and reassuring love.  He comes out of the conversation with a greater understanding of the world around him, and he learns he can always come to me with questions.  I hope our knowledge and learning at MBF will help you as parents in your efforts to protect your children and give you cause to celebrate this holiday season and year-round!

Mary McDonald – Program Manager

Hi, I’m Mary, a Guardian Ad Litem volunteer and mom of two.  One of the most important lessons I’ve learned working for MBF and talking to all of our facilitators is that kids need people they can talk to about the really tough topics that they come across in their every day lives, things like needing to know what to do and what to say when faced with peer pressure. They need to know they have someone to talk to about the “sensitive” topics (everything from - when kids laugh or make fun of others to what to do when someone presents them with inappropriate photos, or alcohol or drugs).  These are all things that they will be confronted with and we need to help them be ready when they are put into those situations.  We work very hard to create great resources on our website that you can use to help you have these conversations with kids.  So this Christmas when the kids are on school break, spend a little time learning more about these topics and about how to have these conversations and then spend some time talking to your children.  It might not be the traditional way to spend your Christmas break but it truly is one of the most important things you can do to help your kids have a safer day every day in the New Year. Happy Holidays. I hope you have a great Christmas with your family.

Callie Criser – Communications & Development Manager

Hi, I'm Callie Criser and I coordinate our events, fundraising efforts, and social media sites.  I've been with the Foundation 2 1/2 years and am recently engaged and planning the wedding of my dreams… and since I love events, I am enjoying every minute of it! I did not know much about child abuse or bullying until I started here… I never knew anyone who was bullied or abused – but AWARE is the key word.  I grew up in a small town and went to a very sheltered school that didn't speak of these things.  I have since learned 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the age of 18 and I know abuse and bullying happens everywhere, even if we are not aware it is happening.

Being the communications manager, I know that bullying and child abuse have become easier because of technology.  With so many children getting technology gifts this holiday season, I hope that parents will teach their children how to use them appropriately and safely.  Technology is a wonderful thing, but it can also be very dangerous.  I encourage everyone to check out our Facebook page and Blog for tips, stories and resources about this topic and for additional safety information as well throughout the year. Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones!

Cierra Bennet – Finance/Data Assistant

Hello everyone! My name is Cierra Bennett and I am the newest member of the MBF team.  I feel like I learn something new everyday and I’d like to share with you what I think are the real gifts of Christmas: family, friends, and the children in our lives that make the holidays much brighter!

Working at MBF has taught me how all of us can truly make a difference by being proactive to protect children. Kids are faced with tough situations everyday like being bystanders to bullying for example, and often we can help them, but only if kids are educated and empowered to help adults keep them safe. Give the kids in your life the gift of safety education this holiday season; look for every possible opportunity to communicate with them about safety issues and be available for them when they want to talk to you about their concerns. Here are a few tips I've learned while working at MBF:

• Look for everyday opportunities to ask them questions about their day, and ask open-ended questions, like “What is something that you would like to talk about your day today?” or “Was there anything unusual that happened today?” 
• Take opportunities to talk about the events that are going on around you that you may see on the news or that kids may ask about.
• During these conversations, take the time to follow up on anything that concerns you with additional questions and discuss strategies kids can use if they are in or see unsafe situations.

This is just a start and you can learn more on our website and blog, but I hope you will take this opportunity to begin being proactive about communication and safety education with the children in your lives. Happy Holidays and here's to a New Year filled with many great conversations about safety issues between you and your kids.

Stacy Pendarvis – Education & Research Director

Season’s Greeting! I'm Stacy Pendarvis and the mother of 3.  I've been with the Foundation for 2 years and worked in the field of prevention for over 17 years.  I love every minute of working to protect children, and I love working for MBF; I am also the main writer of the Speak Up Be Safe Florida blog and it’s one of the things about my job I love the most.  But what I would really love to see this holiday season (and after this year of such powerful and negative media coverage) is every single person in our country involved to some degree in the effort to protect children from bullying and maltreatment, because everyone can do something. Awareness is great and I think people know the problems exist, but they do not act for whatever reason – maybe apathy or lack of knowledge about what to do.  However, AWARENESS WITH ACTION = PREVENTION!  So I hope everyone reading this will make it one of your resolutions in the New Year to learn more and do more to protect kids!  Keep reading the blog and our MBF Facebook page throughout the New Year for easy ideas on how to incorporate prevention into your everyday life.  Wishing all the best to you and yours in the New Year.  Merry Christmas!

Just as The Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. was founded in 1997 as a way to carry on the work of my late wife, Monique Burr, a passionate child advocate, you can see our team and our organization epitomizes the work that Monique did in protecting children.  Our Speak Up Be Safe™ bullying and child abuse prevention program and everything we do is dedicated to educating and empowering adults and children with one goal in mind, keeping kids safe.  Our team works hard every day, all year to make sure children, parents, schools and communities have the tools and resources they need to protect children.

It is a gift to be able to educate and give back to the community, it is a gift to know what we are doing is helping to protect children every day, it is a gift to work with such a hardworking and dedicated team that is truly making a difference in children’s lives – and it is a gift to continue the legacy of Monique Burr. 

Merry Christmas to you, your children, and your loved ones from all of us at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children!

Edward Burr