School Shootings: Are we asking the right questions?

Lynn Layton, Executive Director of the Monique Burr Foundation for Children (MBF), and I recently attended the Florida Association of School Administrator’s Legislative Days in Tallahassee and one thing that we heard mentioned several times was the concern of school administrators about safe schools and their hope that the Governor and Education Commissioner would prioritize some funding and support to improve school safety.  As a parent, hearing that was nice.  To know schools are concerned with the safety of my child and every other child is comforting.  I hope it is an issue that legislators and schools continue to focus on.

And then again yesterday there was another school shooting.  A student at an Atlanta middle school shot and injured another student.  IN 21 YEARS, from 1992 to 2013 there have now been 10 school shootings in elementary, middle and high schools in the United States that have tragically injured or killed 155 adults and students (and more before that, I’m sure).

In response to this there is talk of arming teachers or administrators in school, or of providing armed guards for every school in our country.  And of course we are seeing congressional hearings to discuss newer, stricter gun control laws as well.  I’m not an expert in gun control, but I do wonder if we are asking the right questions or considering the right answers.  Isn’t it time we as a society think in terms of prevention and be proactive rather than reactive?  Instead of providing armed guards to schools, why don’t we provide more counselors and social workers to schools?  Why don’t we provide violence prevention programs to schools?  Why don’t we work diligently to determine why shootings occur in the first place and seek to effect change at that level?  That is a strategy that actually makes sense! 

But I believe we already know why most of these tragedies occur.  In a 2000 Chicago Sun Times exclusive report, after interviewing 41 school shooters, in 37 incidents, the Secret Service found that two-thirds had been bullied and attacks were motivated by revenge*.  And there is a lot of bullying occurring these days, so I’m afraid these types of attacks may actually be on the rise.

In Florida alone – the average number of children that are reported as bullied, abused or neglected total 153 EACH DAY, and that is only the number reported – not the actual number of children who ARE bullied, abused or neglected EACH DAY.  Every one of the 155 adults and students shot on school grounds was an extremely valuable human life and we in no way want to minimize their injury or death; but if we focus on the 153 abused or bullied kids each day, if we seek to prevent their abuse and maltreatment, maybe we can prevent future shootings from occurring.

The Monique Burr Foundation for Children provides a program called Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) – a national, research based bullying and child abuse prevention program – to all Florida public elementary schools at no cost to the schools.  Speak Up Be Safe educates and empowers 1^st through 5^th grade students with knowledge and strategies to identify and react to unsafe situations and to help the adults in their lives keep them safe.  It teaches kids empathy and bystander intervention, two strategies shown to be effective in bullying prevention.

Please visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS to learn more about the program and ask your school if they are providing SUBS to their students.  If not, please encourage them to begin offering SUBS now.  As one parent, with just this one action, you can make a big difference in the lives of so many children!  And maybe, in the future, we can prevent more tragic events from happening to innocent victims as a consequence of abuse and bullying.

All kids deserve to be safe!  Let’s make 2013 the year we all work together – parents, schools and organizations – to protect all children!

*Source:  http://powerreporting.com/shoot.pdf

Florida Schools Have the Opportunity to Help Keep Kids Safe with Speak Up Be Safe™ Program!

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Internet sex sting operations are nothing new. Yet again, there was another news story recently and sadly one of the arrests was a 5^th grade teacher at Lawton Chiles Elementary School in Orlando.  While there is no report that this teacher ever harmed a child at that school, this type of report always raises a concern about sexually abusive behavior for parents and school personnel.

So the question then becomes what do we do to make sure our kids are safe at school? All Florida elementary schools, including Orange County Schools, have a prevention program available to them at no cost that may help prevent the sexual abuse and exploitation of children.

Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is a national bullying and child abuse prevention program that teaches kids what is safe and unsafe behavior.  The program also teaches kids to use the 5 SUBS Safety Rules which include:

1)    It’s my body

2)    Ask an adult if I’m safe

3)    I have choices

4)    Tell Someone

5)    It’s never my fault.

Additionally, facilitators (generally guidance counselors) are trained in topics such as:

·      Child abuse indicators

·      Recognizing signs of sexual abuse, exploitation and grooming behaviors

·      Mandatory reporting

·      Bullying, Cyberbullying and digital abuse

and they are given tools and resources to further educate their school peers and personnel as well as parents.  Using the knowledge gained in their training and the resources they are given, school personnel are informed and empowered and would hopefully recognize any attempt by a teacher or other adult to sexually exploit or abuse a child. Children, armed with the information provided in the curriculum, would also hopefully recognize unsafe behaviors by an adult and would rely on the 5 SUBS safety rules to have the adults in their lives help them be safe!

For additional training or for middle and high schools where SUBS is not available, another safety program exists. You can find more information here.  Together, the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc., and Florida’s schools, can protect Florida’s children now! Visit our website to learn more or to get SUBS into your school district.

Tips to Keep Kids Safe Over the Holidays

Parents often wonder in response to the statement: “It’s an adult’s job to keep kids safe,” just what they can do to protect their kids.  So we thought the holidays, when visitors abound, schedules are off, and parents are overwhelmed, would be a great time to offer parents these tips regarding that very topic.

Tips for parents (or caregivers) to keep their kids safe….

Child sexual abuse prevention tips!

1.     1. Discuss boundaries – in general boundaries and respect are keys to empowering your kids to say no to unwanted touches, pictures, etc… by adults or other children (be sure to tell them other children may do things that are wrong also).

a.    Use the Speak Up Be Safe™ rule - "It’s My body", to help them learn what it means.  If you visit our website at MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS and learn the five safety rules, you’ll see this first rule teaches kids their body is their own and they have the right to tell an adult No to uncomfortable touches, etc...  Give kids the tools to say no and practice! 

b.    During the holidays, lots of family members will be around and will want to hug your child, may want to play, tickle and even have your child sit on their lap.  Let both your child and the adults know this is a decision your child can make based on their comfort level, but if the child says no or stop, that is to be immediately respected!

2.     2. Pay attention to signals – a lot of times adults have a feeling that something is not quite right between an adult and a child, but they disregard that feeling because the adult in question is a family member or trusted friend, someone they think could never harm their child.  Truth is, 90% of children are sexually abused by someone they and the family knows very well, 70% by a family member.  Your child depends on you to keep them safe. If you have a gut feeling something is not right, ask questions, stop in, check back, and follow up. You owe it to your child to make sure you are paying attention and following up, not sweeping a feeling under the rug because it “couldn’t be” this person.

3.     3. Secrets have a way, especially bad secrets, of tearing families apart.  Teach your child that if someone asks them to keep a secret, they should tell them NO and then they should tell you.  Gifts as surprises until Christmas are okay, otherwise, families should adopt a “no secret” rule!

4.     4. Alone time between your child and another adult should be limited and then you should look for situations where that time is interruptible and observable and let the adult know you will follow up by asking your child lots of questions.  The fact that 80% of sexual abuse occurs in one adult – one child situations means that if you eliminate or minimize these situations, you have already protected your child better!

Remember, the key is early and ongoing communication.  Look for ways to start the conversations – extra guests sleeping in the house or trips to visit family and friends are both good ways to begin this type of conversation, and then look for ways to keep the communications going.  Two-way communications, where your child feels like they can come to you to ask questions must be ongoing! Parents must ensure the environment and the relationship is conducive to this happening!

Physical abuse increases during the holidays!

Increased time commitments and financial demands impact all families during the holidays, and sometimes, in some families, this may lead to physical abuse of a child. 

It’s important first of all, if you are feeling like you may hurt your own child to know there are things you can do to get help.

1.     Take a breather… sort of a time out for adults! Send your child to their room and/or you go to another room and take some time to de-stress and calm down when you are feeling like you are going to lose control.

2.     Call a friend and ask for support.  Often people don't want to ask others for help, but that’s what family and friends are for, and most of the time, they would be happy to help, they just don’t know what we need!  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of strength and love for your child!!!

3.     If that is not enough, you can always reach out for more professional help.  Contact the Florida abuse hotline at 1-800-96-ABUSE (1-800-962-2873).

4.     Watch out for signs of increased stress and possible abuse in a friend or neighbor’s family.  If you suspect this is the case, talk to the adult and tell them you too feel increased pressure during the holidays, and ask if there is any way you can help lighten their load.

5.     If you suspect the child is being, or has been, harmed, you must call the Florida abuse hotline at 1-800-96-ABUSE (1-800-962-2873).  Remember, making a report is helping a family get the services they need!

Lastly, don’t neglect – neglect!

1.     It’s easy to put too much responsibility on kids that are too young with all we as parents have to do, or to leave kids too young at home alone, etc…  but the holidays are no time to neglect our kids simply because we as parents are busy and have more to do!  Reach out to neighbors and ask for help, share responsibilities with friends, but please don’t neglect your kids! 

Remember, the holidays are about family and friends and we want it to be a safe and happy time as well. We at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children wish you and your entire family a safe and healthy 2012!  To learn more about the five Speak Up Be Safe™ Safety Rules and other resources to help you in your efforts to keep your child safe, visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS.  Remember that $2.00 will also provide the complete program to a child.  To make a donation go to www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/Donations.  Thanks for joining us as we work to Protect Florida’s Children!

The Penn State Scandal and Child Abuse: “Turning Reaction Into Real Action”

Everyone is talking about the Penn State scandal, as they should be.  The range of emotions expressed by citizens across the US run the gamut - some are outraged, some are supportive of Coach Paterno, which has others even more outraged, some are just in shock that this would happen and go unreported, some are just saddened that kids suffer such horrendous acts at the hands of the very adults that are supposed to care for and protect them in the first place.

But it’s time to turn all of that emotional reaction into real action to protect kids.  We can spend our time ranting about the actions (or inactions) of those individuals at Penn State (and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit as humans and as child advocates we’ve done our fair share of that privately), or we can make a conscious choice as a State and as a Nation to take this tragedy and do something, together, for once to better the lives of children in a very real, very now way!

Child sexual abuse and exploitation is a very real and dangerous problem in our world, and yes it is happening in your neighborhood too!  It happens for a variety of reasons and people turn their heads for a variety of reasons as well: denial, lack of education, fear, economic security.  The numbers vary depending on what study you are quoting, but experts tend to agree that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the time they turn 18.  So to put that into perspective, look at the average classroom in the US with about 20 kids and 4 kids in that class are, or will become a victim.  It’s sickening and it’s heartbreaking.  What it should be is motivating – but to most people – it just stops at sickening and heartbreaking.  But let’s change that! Let’s take this current level of awareness and motivation in the US and let’s move beyond sickness and heartbreak and let’s all make a commitment to do something to protect children!

First, all citizens should be aware of the signs and symptoms of child abuse and neglect (and not just child sexual abuse) and should know where and how to report suspicions of abuse if they suspect it. We should all think of reporting as a form of prevention. It stops the abuse for the current victim and it prevents abuse for future victims.  In Florida, every citizen is a mandatory reporter, as is every citizen in 17 other states.  But whether you are mandated to report or not, it’s just the right thing to do!  To learn the signs and symptoms of abuse or neglect or how to report abuse in Florida, visit: Monique Burr Foundation Resources.

If you are not in Florida and you want to know your state’s statute on reporting and how to report, you can visit this website hosted by The Child Welfare Information Gateway to find out more information.  If your state law does not require every citizen to be a mandatory reporter, contact your state legislators and ask them to change the law immediately.

Secondly, prevention education needs to be a priority.  The US is a reactive society and we need to become a preventive society. With over 3.2 million reports of child abuse annually (and more abuse that goes unreported) this is an issue of public health crisis proportion with long-term negative health, mental health and societal consequences that last well into adulthood. However, there is ample research that shows prevention programs targeted at both children and adults is effective for primary and secondary prevention of child abuse and child sexual abuse.

In Florida, the legislature has mandated child abuse prevention education for all of Florida’s children through Florida Statute 39.  In response to that unfunded mandate, the Monique Burr Foundation for Children is providing a curriculum, Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS), as the Florida Department of Education approved safety and child abuse prevention program at no cost to public schools through active fundraising.  The SUBS curriculum also includes bullying, cyberbullying and technology safety information to help avoid and prevent other tragedies as well.

According to Finkelhor (2007), arguments against prevention education for children are unfounded and “the weight of currently available evidence shows that it is worth providing children with high-quality prevention education programs”, stating that “much research has suggested that children acquire the concepts; some research has suggested the programs promote disclosure and one study found lower rates of victimization for children who were exposed to these programs.” Finkelhor goes on to say despite arguments to the contrary, “a majority of reviews have found that children at all ages do acquire the key concepts that are being taught. In fact, younger children show more learning than older children.” And since we know the majority of abuse occurs in children under the age of 11, SUBS is taught to that target audience.

Speak Up Be Safe™ also follows the empirical findings and policy suggestions set forth in previous research¹ to ensure the maximum efficacy and safety benefits for children in prevention programs. 

·      Programs are more effective when they occur on multiple occasions.

·      Programs are more effective when they allow children opportunities to practice skills.

·      Programs are more effective when they involve parents.

·      Programs should devote more emphasis to bullying prevention.

To move from the reactive society toward the preventive society mentioned earlier, EVERY school in Florida needs to implement SUBS in EVERY 1^st – 5^th grade classroom to get this essential information to EVERY child.  And the Monique Burr Foundation for Children needs EVERY citizen’s help to accomplish this.

Parents can inquire directly with their school or district to see if they are participating in the Speak Up Be Safe™ program and if not, request the program be used in their school.  Schools and districts can request SUBS and can include the program as a part of their standardized Guidance and Health curriculum to ensure uniform implementation across their district.  Community members and organizations can assist the Monique Burr Foundation and schools and districts with financial and implementation support. 

We must all work together to be successful in protecting kids, but the key is, THE TIME IS NOW.  We MUST Speak Up now to Keep Florida’s Kids Safe!  Contact us for more information at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS.

Finkelhor, D. (2007). Prevention of Sexual Abuse Through Educational Programs Directed Toward Children. Pediatrics, 120(3): 640-645. Downloaded from http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/prevention/papers.html on November 15, 2011.

¹Finkelhor, D. & Dziuba-Leatherman, J. (1994). Victimization Prevention Programs: A National Survey of Children’s Exposure and Reactions. Child Abuse and Neglect, 19,(2):129-139. Downloaded from http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/prevention/papers.html on November 15, 2011.