Identifying, Intervening, Surviving and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Signs Your Child May Be the Target of Bullying

Parents may have a hard time understanding that children don’t often want them, or any other adult, to know they are being bullied or cyberbullied. There are several reasons why children and teens are reluctant to report. Understanding those reasons can help adults become more aware of indicators they need to look for to determine if a child is in fact being bullied or cyberbullied.

Children fail to report bullying for many reasons.

• They may fear based on past behavior no one is available to them or will listen to them, or they fear no one will intervene and the bullying will only escalate.
• They may fear looking like a tattletale or snitch and expect an increase in the bullying due to revenge or retaliation.
• They may fear looking weak to their parents and peers or they may be ashamed and feel like they somehow deserved the abusive behavior.
• Sometimes children aren’t aware the behavior inflicted upon them is actually bullying. This is particularly true of social and relational type of bullying behaviors.

If a child is being cyberbullied, there are additional reasons they may be reluctant to report the behavior.

• They may be afraid the consequence of reporting will involve them losing privileges such as their phone, computer or social networking accounts.
• Sometimes the victim is bullied after posting or sending something they believe they should not have posted or sent, and feel they are to blame; thus, they don’t want their parents to know and don’t report the bullying.

Because children are often reluctant to report bullying, parents as well as school employees need to be alert to signs that a child is being bullied and/or cyberbullied. These are some of the most common signs.

Signs a child may be the victim of bullying:

• Unexplained injuries upon return from school
• Frequent and unexplained lost items
• Frequent hunger upon return from school
• Request to alter school path or transportation method
• Frequent complaints of illness/not wanting to go to school
• Change/decline in grades
• Low self-esteem, depression, suicidal talk or behavior
• Loss of long-time friends or change in friends
• Change in social habits/social isolation
• Change in personality
• Deviation from normal behavior
•  Eating or sleeping disturbances
• Avoidance of family members or environments/situations once enjoyed
• Avoidance of questions related to their behaviors, actions, feelings, or school activities

Signs a child may be the victim of cyberbullying:

• Any of the above indicators
• Frequent computer or cell phone use
• Depressed or agitated behavior after being online or on their cell phone
• New contacts on phone or social networking sites on computer
• Increased amounts of text messages received
• Change in online behavior (up late online, secretive, makes new friends)
• Shuts off computer/cell phone when a parent or caregiver approaches

Staying alert to these signs will enable adults to see red flags in a child’s behavior even if the child doesn’t report being bullied or being associated with bullying. Research shows that 93% of children want adults to get involved and stop bullying. It is an adult’s responsibility to keep children safe and we must intervene, whether children act like they want us to or not.

Learning about bullying and signs/indicators is the first step to helping our children. Stay tuned for our next few posts in this series about why bullies target some children and why some children become bullies.  Those will be followed with helpful information about why adults and other children need to get involved and how to act effectively.  

Let us know how this series is helping you and/or share your bullying story.   

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Cyberbullying…When Peers Are Predators Too

Not so long ago we only had to worry about the online threat of strangers.  Predators were those from far away who used technology to gain access to our children and subsequently harm them with abuse and exploitation.  But times have changed and the digital age has opened up a new world where our children’s peers are now predators as well.

Cyberbullying and digital abuse are quickly becoming the main issue facing tweens and teens today.

• 1 out of 5 children is or will be cyberbullied (US Dept. of Justice)

• 43% of teens ages 13 to 17 have experienced cyberbullying in the past year

• 1 million children were cyberbullied on Facebook during the past year

EdTechmagazine.com has created a great infographic that displays just how real and significant cyberbullying is… we encourage you to check it out.

So what exactly is cyberbullying? It is threatening, harassing or aggressive behavior by one or more children or teens toward another using digital technology such as the Internet or cell phones. Unlike bullying, cyberbullying does not have to be a repeated behavior nor does the behavior need to take place between persons of unequal power. 

Cyberbullying can include:

1.     Spreading rumors or posting false information

2.     Sending harassing messages

3.     Posting compromising or altered images

4.     Persuading others to act in this same manner

5.     Posting private information

6.     Bullying others while impersonating the victim

The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children does a great job of explaining cyberbullying through a series of videos titled “Real Life Stories.” These videos feature stories shared by actual teens and are appropriate for tweens and teens, and they are also appropriate for adults who wish to gain a better understanding of cyberbullying and its devastating consequences.

As we learned in a previous post, cyberbullying tends to begin in middle school, increase in the later middle school years and peak in high school, therefore education and prevention must start early and continue throughout all school years.  In the next post, we will examine the signs indicating your child may be the victim of a bully or cyberbully. In future posts, we will also discuss why and how to intervene in bullying situations, share resources for prevention and more.  Check back for future posts so you and your children can become educated and empowered to speak up and stay safe.

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: How is Bullying Different in Younger vs. Older Grades?

Children, teens and tweens all bully other students their own age, but the types of bullying behaviors they exhibit change as they get older. While there are always various strategies used to harass and bully others, it seems that at certain developmental stages specific types of bullying behaviors are more typical than others.

The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHD) published a comprehensive national study on bullying that appeared in the April 25, 2001, Journal of the American Medical Association and discussed age and types of bullying.

The study, which surveyed almost 16,000 U.S. public and private 6^th through 10^th grade students, found that 13% bullied others, 11% were bully victims, and 6% were both bullies and bully victims.  Additionally, the study revealed a lot about the timing and types of bullying including that bullying generally starts in elementary school and peaks in middle school while remaining steady or declining somewhat in high school.  It also revealed that boys are more frequently involved in physical bullying and girls in verbal or relational bullying.

Similarly, a 2001 Kaiser Family Foundation study revealed that 86% of children between the ages of 12 and 15 reported that they get teased or bullied at school, which shows that bullying is more prevalent than smoking, alcohol, drugs, or sex among students this same age.  Clearly, bullying is a prevalent problem that must be addressed at every age.

So how do children of different ages experience bullying?

Children who are targeted by bullies in elementary school are usually those that don’t have many friends or don’t fit in socially. They are often bullied based on their social abilities or physical traits such as looking different, having a disability or being obese.  Bullying at this age is generally teasing, social ostracism or isolation from group activities.

Bullying generally increases toward the end of elementary school and the beginning of middle school. It continues to get worse until high school because of the high social needs of tweens combined with lower maturity levels.  Bullying is usually about needing social power and children becoming accepted by their peer group.  Often this intense desire to be accepted and become a part of the popular group leads to bullying. Because tweens want so desperately to fit in, bullying others who don’t fit in and who look, act, talk or dress differently than they do gives them power and social status.

Relational aggression is a particularly common type of bullying in middle school used especially by girls.  Girls will form friendships but will then strike out at another girl in anticipation of them thinking they are going to become the outcast. By ostracizing the other girl first, they think they are beating them to the punch. Relational aggression tends to diminish toward the teen and high school years as girls learn how to control their emotions and thoughts.

Tweens and older teens in middle school and high school years experience far less physical, verbal and social bullying but see a dramatic increase in cyberbullying.  Stay tuned for our next blog in the series, which will include information on cyberbullying.

Bullying is dangerous behavior and leads to violence, homicide, suicide and bullycide. Understanding how it affects children of different ages and developmental stages is the first step in helping educate and empower adults and children about how to stop bullying others and how to prevent bullying from happening in the first place.

Author: Stacy Pendarvis, MSW, MA – Consulting Trainer and Prevention Specialist 

Identifying, Intervening, Surviving, and Preventing Bullying – A Series: Bullying 101 – The Basics

How is Bullying defined?

Bullying is defined as repeated, negative and hostile or aggressive behavior by one or more students with a real or perceived imbalance of power over another student for an extended period of time.

What are the different types of Bullying?

• Physical
• Verbal
• Social isolation
• Relational aggression
• Using threats to force compliance
• Cyberbullying

What is Cyberbullying?

Cyberbullying is threatening, harassing or aggressive behavior by one or more youth or teens toward another using digital technology such as the Internet or cell phone. Unlike bullying, cyberbullying does not have to be a repeated behavior nor does the behavior need to take place between persons of unequal power. 

Cyberbullying can include:

• Spreading rumors or posting false information
• Sending harassing messages
• Posting compromising or manipulated images
• Persuading others to join in cyberbullying the victim
• Posting the victim's private information
• Bullying others while impersonating the victim

Is Bullying really that bad?

Bullying has become a problem with enormous impact in the US.

• 13 million students will be bullied in the US this year
• 160,000 students miss school daily for fear of being bullied
• 1 out of 4 children are bullied (US Dept. of Justice)
• Every 7 minutes a child is bullied on a playground
• Between 50% and 77% of students report having been bullied
•  Of teachers, 25% see nothing wrong with bullying and consequently intervene in only 4% of bullying incidents
• 85% of bullying is not responded to appropriately or at all

Cyberbullying has also become a tremendous problem. Whereas victims of bullying can escape the torment, at least for several hours each day, those who are victims of cyberbullying can be targeted by their attackers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  A peer one day can become a predator the next day with terrible and tragic consequences.

• 1 out of 5 children is or will be cyberbullied (US Dept. of Justice)
• 43% of teens, ages 13 to 17, have experienced cyberbullying in the past year
• 1 million children were cyberbullied on Facebook during the past year

What is the impact of Bullying?

•       Victims often suffer academically and from long term psychological effects

•       Bullies often go on to commit crimes – former bullies have a 4-fold increase in criminal behavior by age 24

•       Both victims and bullies may later become depressed or even become suicidal

•       After interviewing 41 school shooters in 37 incidents, the Secret Service found that 2/3 had been bullied and their attacks were motivated by a will to seek revenge

The first step in changing this epidemic of social torment is understanding the true depth of its impact on our children. Hopefully this post helped you better understand the reality of bullying. Stay tuned for our next few posts in this series, which will explain more about the types of bullying and how they differ in younger versus older grades.  We will also share more about cyberbullying including signs a child might be a victim, why some children are targeted and others are not, and why children bully.  It’s up to us to act… stay tuned and learn how!

Author: Stacy Pendarvis, MSW, MA – Consulting Trainer and Prevention Specialist 

MBF Making News Nationally!

No news may be good news, but some news is really great news! And MBF got great news this past week. As Lynn Layton, Executive Director and Eliese Keith, Speak Up be Safe™ facilitator will be featured nationally on CNN today, we’d also like to share that Lynn and I got word this week that we will be presenting at the national Prevent Child Abuse America conference being held here in Jacksonville October 12^th through 15^th. 

In just over two years, the Monique Burr Foundation for Children has dramatically changed the landscape of child abuse prevention education in the state of Florida. As you may or may not know, following research guidelines and best practice standards and working with Childhelp, a national child abuse prevention organization and Arizona State University, a top research university, we developed and are now using Speak Up Be Safe™, a comprehensive prevention curriculum. 

As of this school year, over 400,000 Florida students will be educated and empowered with this curriculum. Children CAN help adults keep them safe and adults can use this information to educate and empower children. Everyone can learn from this program and together we can better protect children from all forms of child abuse and bullying, cyberbullying and digital abuse.

At the conference, Lynn and I will teach conference attendees from across the nation about the curriculum development and history, the philosophical and research basis for the use of a program in schools with children, what the program targets for behavior change and why, and how it impacts and involves parents and communities.  We hope to share with others how our model can be used in other states to protect children and how it can be implemented in a quick and efficient manner as we have done in Florida.

If you plan on attending the conference in October, remember to join us for our session, “Speak Up Be Safe™ - Florida’s Inspiring Efforts to Educate and Empower Children and Adults to Prevent Abuse and Bullying through a Unique School and Community Model.”  Hope to see you at the Prevent Child Abuse America Conference.

Author: Stacy Pendarvis, MSW, MA – Consulting Trainer and Prevention Specialist

The Digital World is Working to Keep Kids Safe Online

Recently Childhelp blogged about "Keeping Your Kids Safe on Facebook" and reported of Facebook’s current 900 million users, an estimated 7.5 million are under the age of 13, and 5 million are under the age of 10. The blog went on to give great tips to keep your kids safe on Facebook such as:

• Know their password,
• Be their friend,
• Monitor their friend list,
• Keep up with new Facebook features

One thing they didn’t discuss however, was what to do if your child is being bullied on Facebook. Sadly, we know tweens and teens aren’t just being bullied at school these days, they’re also being bullied online. Some call it social terrorism, and with nearly half of all tweens and teens experiencing some sort of online harassment or cyberbullying, it’s time to learn more about it and how to respond to it.

Learning how to stop cyberbullying is essential, but getting teens to talk about online safety may prove challenging. Fortunately, the one place many tweens and teens seem to feel comfortable having conversations and expressing themselves is helping everyone learn to navigate the net a little safer. The Facebook Family Safety Center is now helping teens and parents everywhere by teaching digital safety and responsibility.

Teens, parents, teachers and even law enforcement officers can benefit from the Facebook Family Safety Center. While many are familiar with terms like social networking and online privacy settings, others may need a refresher in concepts like digital citizenship, social reporting and secure browsing.

The Safety Center addresses many topics including: 

• Account safety and security
• Facebook privacy settings
• Online bullying and harassment reporting

Even tweens and teens, who know much more than most parents about the online world of social networking, can learn a thing or two on the page dedicated to them. And if it gets them thinking or talking about online and digital safety, it’s definitely worth a look. 

Have you ever visited the Facebook Family Safety Center? Share what you’ve learned or how it got you thinking about online safety in the comments below.  

Written by Guest Blogger Stacy Pendarvis, MSW, MA of Pendarvis Consulting & Training and former Program Manager for MBF with over 16 years in the child safety and child abuse prevention field.

How to Stop Cyberbullying: Learn Steps to Prevent Online Harrassment

Cyberbullying is a term used to describe a variety of threatening and harassing online behaviors via the internet or cell phone such as lying about, stalking or generally bullying another person. It can include:

• Sending harassing messages
• Posting false information
• Posting private or manipulated pictures
• Encouraging others to bully someone

It can also involve gaining the trust of someone and then using that position to:

• Impersonate them online
• Post their personal information
• Pretend to be them and bully another individual

With nearly half of all tweens and teens experiencing cyberbullying, it is essential for cyberbullying victims to learn to effectively deal with cyberbullies. With these simple but thoughtful steps, tweens, teens and parents can respond effectively to cyberbullies:

1. If a tween or teen is bullied or harassed online, they should not respond. Instead, they should immediately find a safe adult and report the online threat or harassment.  
2. Cyberbullying victims should also block the bully and/or unfriend them so they cannot continue the harassment.
3. Parents should print all correspondence and go to their local law enforcement agency for help.  
4. If the harassment or bullying continues or is coming from multiple sources, it may be necessary to close the victim’s email or Facebook accounts and open new ones, allowing access only to a small, select group of safe friends.  
5. Because cyberbullying has had serious consequences for other children and teens, the emotional damage suffered by victims must be taken seriously. Parents must watch for signs of withdrawal, depression and isolation, and seek professional counseling and support for any child or teen that needs or desires it.  

What is more important as a society is learning to prevent cyberbullying before it ever happens. No one is to blame if they do become a victim, however there are key steps tweens, teens and parents can take to decrease the risk of being harassed or bullied online:

Limit online information and availability. For instance limit your email, social network, newsgroup and blog accounts. If you are unsure of how many accounts you have and where your information is located on the web, conduct a Google search of yourself; the results may surprise you. Eliminate all but essential information and pictures about yourself on the web. Contact your Internet Service Provider if you can’t delete unwanted information yourself.

Don’t provide ammunition. Avoid doing things like sending compromising photos of yourself or allowing access to photos or account passwords or other personal information to anyone, friend or not. Their friend status can change in a hurry and you never know what another person (or their friends) might do.

Be alert to anyone taking your photo in private situations. Photos taken in private places such as locker rooms or bathrooms can always be manipulated or posted online, and are probably not going to be used for anything good. If anyone ever takes a photo in that kind of environment, ask him or her to delete it and ask to see their photo library. If they won’t show you, ask an adult to intervene and report their behavior as harassment and a violation of your privacy.

Practice good “netiquette.” Take a moment before responding to posts either in anger or in a disrespectful way yourself, learn how to use social media sites, such as Facebook, responsibly, and always remember to “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

No one can ever eliminate the possibility that they will become a victim of a cyberbully, however taking simple, practical steps such as these, and being alert online, can help decrease the risk. Let us know if you have any other cyberbullying prevention tips to share.

Written by Guest Blogger Stacy Pendarvis, MSW, MA of Pendarvis Consulting & Training and former Program Manager for MBF with over 16 years in the child safety and child abuse prevention field.