It Takes a Village!

Monroe County, Florida could be considered a model community for using our program, Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) to protect children, doing it in a collaborative and comprehensive way – starting a true community initiative to protect children from bullying and abuse.  In March, after a meeting was arranged for the Monique Burr Foundation for Children (MBF) by the Chief Assistant State Attorney for Monroe County, Manuel Madruga, the Superintendent of Monroe County Schools, Jesus Jara, approved Speak Up Be Safe™ to be implemented in all Monroe County elementary schools.

One month later MBF was back in the Keys, and on April 30^th we trained not only all elementary school counselors, but for the first time in SUBS history, all middle and high school counselors as well. Even more impressive, Manuel Madruga, Jesus Jara, and State Attorney Dennis Ward attended the Facilitator training as well.  Before the end of the school year, Monroe County had provided SUBS to 2,227 students, a great accomplishment in a short time.

A great first step in preventing bullying and abuse; yet Monroe County seemed to want more.  Several recent bullying incidents brought Dennis Ward and Jesus Jara to MBF yet again in a quest for additional bullying resources.  So we’ve added another partner to the Monroe Community Initiative.  This time Jenny Craig, of Live Your Power attended a Bullying Prevention Community Presentation with Lynn Layton, MBF Executive Director and Stacy Pendarvis, MBF Trainer.  Participants attended a two-hour awareness and education seminar at Metropolitan Community Church in Key West on June 25^th where they learned about bullying, cyberbullying and learned practical, effective solutions.

Monroe County Schools has now asked MBF for a bullying awareness and education training at the beginning of the school year for all teachers/staff and is considering implementing the Live Your Power bullying prevention curriculum for middle and high schools.  This is truly a community working together to protect their kids and prevent bullying and abuse.  It takes a village and Monroe County knows and is living it!

Click here for more resources.

Click here for more information on Speak Up Be Safe™.

Written by Guest Blogger Stacy Pendarvis, MSW, MA of Pendarvis Consulting & Training and former Program Manager for MBF with over 16 years in the child safety and child abuse prevention field.

Teacher Goes Too Far in Bullying Incident

Bullying has become one of the most talked about subjects in and about schools throughout the US, and it should be. If you’ve been following our blog, you’ve read the statistics and stories and you know what a problem bullying has become.

According to Kidpower:

·      160,000 kids stay home from school each day because they are bullied;

·      83% of bullying incidents receive no intervention and continue to happen;

·      Only half of educators have received training on how to handle bullying situations.

Consider the consequences of those statistics in schools. Millions of students each year are victimized, yet educators are not being taught how to deal with such behavior and the outcomes are often tragic.

In San Antonio, a kindergarten teacher unprepared to handle such situations dealt with a child that she labeled a bully in a most egregious way. She had every other student in the class hit the child she considered the bully (some more than once, and many against their wishes) to teach him a lesson. Worse still, the event went unreported by the children – and another teacher who witnessed the incident – for two weeks. You can read the entire story and the district’s response here.

It is likely that education and awareness could have prevented this incident from ever happening; and, had it not, it is probable based on recent research that someone would have then told a safe adult what had happened that same day.  A 2010 Campbell Systematic Review of School-Based Bullying Prevention Programs showed that many school prevention programs are effective at both reducing bullying and changing the overall school climate.

The Monique Burr Foundation for Children’s program, Speak Up Be Safe™, is a national bullying and child abuse prevention program currently available to all Florida elementary schools in an effort to help 1^st through 5^th grade students learn to prevent and better manage bullying and to help school administrators and personnel learn to manage and minimize the consequences of bullying. Although Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) was too new to be included in this evaluation, it includes many of the same components that led to the favorable review of other programs. Thus, when used in schools, SUBS will also educate both students and school personnel on more effective ways to deal with bullying behavior – and it is available to all Florida schools, at no cost, NOW.

For more information on SUBS and how to receive training or implement the program, please visit our website.

Written by Guest Blogger Stacy Pendarvis, MSW, MA of Pendarvis Consulting & Training and former Program Manager for MBF with over 16 years in the child safety and child abuse prevention field.

Florida Schools Have the Opportunity to Help Keep Kids Safe with Speak Up Be Safe™ Program!

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Internet sex sting operations are nothing new. Yet again, there was another news story recently and sadly one of the arrests was a 5^th grade teacher at Lawton Chiles Elementary School in Orlando.  While there is no report that this teacher ever harmed a child at that school, this type of report always raises a concern about sexually abusive behavior for parents and school personnel.

So the question then becomes what do we do to make sure our kids are safe at school? All Florida elementary schools, including Orange County Schools, have a prevention program available to them at no cost that may help prevent the sexual abuse and exploitation of children.

Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is a national bullying and child abuse prevention program that teaches kids what is safe and unsafe behavior.  The program also teaches kids to use the 5 SUBS Safety Rules which include:

1)    It’s my body

2)    Ask an adult if I’m safe

3)    I have choices

4)    Tell Someone

5)    It’s never my fault.

Additionally, facilitators (generally guidance counselors) are trained in topics such as:

·      Child abuse indicators

·      Recognizing signs of sexual abuse, exploitation and grooming behaviors

·      Mandatory reporting

·      Bullying, Cyberbullying and digital abuse

and they are given tools and resources to further educate their school peers and personnel as well as parents.  Using the knowledge gained in their training and the resources they are given, school personnel are informed and empowered and would hopefully recognize any attempt by a teacher or other adult to sexually exploit or abuse a child. Children, armed with the information provided in the curriculum, would also hopefully recognize unsafe behaviors by an adult and would rely on the 5 SUBS safety rules to have the adults in their lives help them be safe!

For additional training or for middle and high schools where SUBS is not available, another safety program exists. You can find more information here.  Together, the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc., and Florida’s schools, can protect Florida’s children now! Visit our website to learn more or to get SUBS into your school district.

Bullying is Happening All Around

13 million students will be bullied in the US this year. Given those numbers it’s hard to imagine that some people don’t see bullying as a real problem, but it is happening all around. Many parents don’t think bullying exists in their child’s school. Some teachers as well often believe bullying isn’t a behavior worthy of their intervention. For example, in one study, 25% of teachers saw nothing wrong with bullying, and consequently intervened in only 4% of bullying incidents.

But bullying is a real problem, with real consequences. Even to those not being bullied, they see it and they feel the consequences.

Here is a poem written by Emily, a 15 year-old High School Student:

It’s time we all realize bullying is a real problem in every school and we must do more to stop it.  But we must do more than just react to bullying after the fact. We must speak up and prevent bullying from happening in the first place. As Emily says, “we need to stand up and get this message spread.” What will you do to spread the message of bullying prevention? If you need some ideas, check out the MBF – Speak Up Be Safe Resources page.

Written by: Stacy Pendarvis 

Dangers of the Digital Age: Kids’ Online Activities – How Much is Too Much?

The digital age has opened a whole new world for kids.  When I started to think about writing this post, I began looking at my kids’ online activities and what I found was a bit surprising.  In one afternoon I noticed my own children doing the following activities:

• Logging into FCAT Explorer test prep and studying math facts online, like having a live-in tutor;
• Looking up words for a homework assignment, eliminating the need to carry around or house a big dictionary;
• Doing research for a school paper, saving me from a trip to the local library;
• Checking email about softball practice time and uniform, saving me from making multiple phone calls;
• Skyping with their Dad who was out of town, if he can’t be here guess it’s the next best thing and definitely better than snail mail;
• Chatting with friends on Facebook, nothing helpful or witty here, just fun;
• Playing games on the computer and texting friends on phones, of course a huge waste of time… Waz up? Nothin.  What r u doin? Nothin...  and so on to the tune of thousands of those types of useless exchanges monthly (thank goodness for unlimited text plans).

And it dawned on me… we live in an amazing time, a “digital age” if you will, when almost anything is possible, when almost anything is available online, and when communication is available 24/7,  instantaneously with pretty much anyone, anywhere.  But how much is too much – information, accessibility, and communication?  And how do we as parents temper access with control so the digital world remains a safe place for our children?

Constant availability, combined with instant access for children at younger and younger ages (when brain development is such that impulsive behavior is not yet regulated by controlled decision making skills), topped off with uneducated and inattentive parents, is not a good combination.  Consider the following facts available from Enough is Enough: Internet Safety 101 at http://www.enough.org/inside.php?id=3K03RC4L00:

§  Internet use has become more widespread and almost 93% of children ages 12-17 have online access. (Pew Internet and American Life Project, 2007 http://www.pewinternet.org/pdf...rivacy_SNS_Report_Final.pdf).

§  One in ten young people (13 %) reports having a handheld device that connects to the Internet (The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation Study, March 2005).

§  Every day 77 million children use the Internet and of children ages 10-17, 1 out of 7 will be sexually solicited online. (Online Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later. 2006. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, Crimes Against Children Research Center, Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention. December 4, 2006. http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/pdf/CV138.pdf).

§  Nine out of ten children between 8 and 16 have viewed pornography on the Internet. In most cases, the sex sites were accessed unintentionally when a child, often in the process of doing homework, used a seemingly innocent sounding word to search for information or pictures. (London School of Economics January 2002).

§  13% of 2^nd – 3^rd grade students report that they used the Internet to talk to people they do not know, 11% report having been asked to describe private things about their body, and 10% have been exposed to private things about someone else's body. (Rochester Institute of Technology, 2008).

§  One million children were harassed, threatened or subjected to other forms of cyberbullying on Facebook during the past year. (Consumer Reports, 2011).

§  43% of teens aged 13 to 17 report that they have experienced some sort of cyberbullying in the past year. (Harris Interactive Trends & Tudes, 2007).

§  24% of teens ages 14-17 have been involved in "some type of naked sexting," either by cellphone or on the Internet. (The Associated Press and MTV, Sept. 2009).

So as you can see, with this information and availability comes new dangers that we as parents, and we as a society, have not had to face before.  Parents often take precautions to protect their children such as hiring sitters to stay with them while they will be away, locking doors and windows, and installing security systems, but we give our kids access to technology and think they are safe. 

Some parents, in their efforts to protect their kids from technology dangers, may do some research on easily- found websites, may install or download parental control software on their computer or follow the age old rules of placing the computer in a common location, and teach their children rules such as not giving personal information, etc…  While all good ideas, we are moving into a generation of Web 2.0 and those safety rules are quickly becoming outdated.  The problem is, parents often know less about the technology their children are using than the children do, and those rules are no longer sufficient to adequately protect their children.  Computers are not the only danger, and predators are not the only enemy. Smart phones, online games, subscription movie sites, virtual reality sites, and social networking sites are all potential sources of danger; and friends, peers and strangers all equally warrant our concern.  Smart phones are called smart for a reason… they can constantly learn new things and add to their repertoire of abilities through “apps,” meaning the technology is ever-changing and often presents new and real dangers.  And websites present dangers yet unknown to many parents as well; how many parents know about and understand sites like “Wee World?”

If we are going to give our children access to this powerful technology and software that may put them in harm’s way, we must first understand it ourselves and then teach children how to use it wisely.  In order to do that, we must become better educated.

So parents stay tuned for upcoming blog posts that will focus on what parents need to know about technology, what’s new and what technology can do, and what the real dangers are.  In the near future we will also post information about where you can learn digital safety tips and learn what’s new and cutting-edge in parental controls and filters, so make sure to subscribe to the Speak Up Be Safe Florida blog to keep getting updates.  The more informed you are, the safer your kids will be!

Written by Guest Blogger: 

Stacy Pendarvis, MSW, MA

Stacy Pendarvis of Pendarvis Consulting & Training is a former Program Manager 

for MBF with over 16 years in the child safety and child abuse prevention field.
She is a frequent guest blogger for the Speak Up Be Safe Florida blog.

12 Ways to Show Your Kids You Care and Build a Capacity to Prevent Abuse and Bullying at the Same Time

The month of February is mainly about the feelings of care and love for your friends and family. When we think of February, we mainly think of celebrating Valentine’s day one of two ways: 1) when we were in elementary school and gave cheesy cards to our classmates and 2) celebrating a romantic night with your loved one. However, spending Valentine’s day doesn’t have to be solely dedicated to your spouse. It can also be a good time to really show your kids how much you love them and care for them.  Ladies’ Home Journal has some great tips on how to connect with your kids that I’d like to share and some of our tips (http://www.lhj.com/relationships/family/raising-kids/25-ways-to-show-your-kids-you-love-them/):

·       Spend time alone with each of your children. Go out to lunch, take a leisurely walk,  read “just one more book”, view photo albums and baby books, get messy with your kids or just hang out together letting them know you value them as individuals.

·       Nurture self-esteem and self-confidence by praising good effort and a job well done, not just results- allow them to choose their own clothes, wear the “jewels” your children made for you or the picture they drew for you.

·       Celebrate everyday accomplishments. Make a special dinner with your child as the guest of honor to toast losing a tooth, making the soccer team, getting an A on a science paper, and more.

·       Teach children to think positive by being positive. Instead of noting how dirty they are when they come in for dinner, say, "Looks like you had a great time!" or Instead of saying, "You're doing it wrong," when your child makes a mistake, try saying "Why don't you try it this way."

·       Tell them how wonderful it is being their parent and how much you like the way they're growing up.

·       Bend the rules. Let your children put on their boots and jump in the puddles you usually tell them to avoid.

·       Eat dinner together even if it's just once a week. Take turns sharing your week's accomplishments.

·       Let your children overhear you complimenting them to someone else.

·       Try not to do all the things your parents did that you vowed never to do to your children.

·       Get to know their schedules, friends, and teachers so you can ask, "Did you and Sam sit together at lunch today?" or "What did Mr. Rogers sing in music class?" instead of simply, "What did you do today?" and know what is going on around them or what they learned at school.

·       Teach them about bullying and child abuse and how to recognize when something is not right.

·       Hug them, kiss them, and say, "I love you" every day, no matter what. Kids thrive on it and it's a daily fix we all need no matter what our age. Creating a secret word, sign, or gesture of affection that only you and your child share.

 Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS), the bullying and child abuse prevention curriculum being distributed throughout Florida in public elementary schools by the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, is helping students, parents/ caregivers, and school personnel get the information they need to understand what abuse and bullying is and how to prevent it. By educating your child on bullying, they will feel cared about and gain trust in you. They will not be afraid to speak up.  Nothing is more precious than the lives of your children. Show your love by educating your child rather than thinking it won’t happen to them. Learn more about SUBS and how you can help us get this message out and show your love for your children at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org. Join us and help us protect Florida’s children today! - watch for our follow up article on this topic and how it relates to preventing child abuse!

Guest Blogger:

Jackie Wiggins

Senior UNF Intern 

Protecting children from sexual exploitation more important than ever!

Internet sex stings in Florida are nothing new.  40 men were arrested in Orlando for soliciting sex with minors just a few weeks ago.  That arrest included a pro-golfer, a swim coach and an eighth grade teacher.  And here we are again, 21 arrested in Gainesville, including a Physician’s Assistant and an elementary school teacher.  So why am I so disturbed by this report that I felt the need to blog about it?  It’s just becoming more and more common and the perpetrators are seeking these encounters with children and teens knowing that these sting operations are happening.  But their desires are such that they are willing to take that risk in order to meet up with a young child or teen for sex.  Consequences aside, they think the risk is worth it, and that to me is scary!

There is no doubt that the sexual exploitation of children on the Internet is a huge problem in our country and it’s growing every day.  The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) has ample facts and resources about this issue for professionals, parents and communities that can be found on their website: http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=218.  However, it is up to us to learn more and do more.  Reading the newspaper and being appalled is simply no longer enough.  There are tools available and we, as the responsible adults in society, MUST use them to protect children today!

Do you know what the sexual exploitation of children is?  Do you know if your child has ever been solicited online, if they’ve ever received any unwanted offers, if they’ve ever communicated with a stranger online? Do you know that according to NCMEC, 1 in 7 children between the ages of 10 and 17 has received a sexual solicitation online? Yet only 5% of those solicitations were ever reported to law enforcement or an Internet service provider.  Do you know NCMEC hosts a cybertipline for just such reports?

At the Monique Burr Foundation for Children we are working hard every day to protect Florida’s children by educating and empowering all elementary school age children in first through fifth grades to recognize and report any unsafe situation they might encounter on the Internet.  It is a part of a more comprehensive program called Speak Up Be Safe™ and we are diligently working to educate and empower the adults in their lives as well as the community about these same dangers and resources.  Please help us.  Visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS to become educated about this program and share our message.  It’s that important and it’s that necessary!