Speak Up Be Safe! Florida

12 Ways to Show Your Kids You Care and Build a Capacity to Prevent Abuse and Bullying at the Same Time

2012-02-14T14:06:00.001-05:00

The month of February is mainly about the feelings of care and love for your friends and family. When we think of February, we mainly think of celebrating Valentine’s day one of two ways: 1) when we were in elementary school and gave cheesy cards to our classmates and 2) celebrating a romantic night with your loved one. However, spending Valentine’s day doesn’t have to be solely dedicated to your spouse. It can also be a good time to really show your kids how much you love them and care for them. Ladies’ Home Journal has some great tips on how to connect with your kids that I’d like to share and some of our tips (http://www.lhj.com/relationships/family/raising-kids/25-ways-to-show-your-kids-you-love-them/):

· Spend time alone with each of your children. Go out to lunch, take a leisurely walk, read “just one more book”, view photo albums and baby books, get messy with your kids or just hang out together letting them know you value them as individuals.

· Nurture self-esteem and self-confidence by praising good effort and a job well done, not just results- allow them to choose their own clothes, wear the “jewels” your children made for you or the picture they drew for you.

· Celebrate everyday accomplishments. Make a special dinner with your child as the guest of honor to toast losing a tooth, making the soccer team, getting an A on a science paper, and more.

· Teach children to think positive by being positive. Instead of noting how dirty they are when they come in for dinner, say, "Looks like you had a great time!" or Instead of saying, "You're doing it wrong," when your child makes a mistake, try saying "Why don't you try it this way."

· Tell them how wonderful it is being their parent and how much you like the way they're growing up.

· Bend the rules. Let your children put on their boots and jump in the puddles you usually tell them to avoid.

· Eat dinner together even if it's just once a week. Take turns sharing your week's accomplishments.

· Let your children overhear you complimenting them to someone else.

· Try not to do all the things your parents did that you vowed never to do to your children.

· Get to know their schedules, friends, and teachers so you can ask, "Did you and Sam sit together at lunch today?" or "What did Mr. Rogers sing in music class?" instead of simply, "What did you do today?" and know what is going on around them or what they learned at school.

· Teach them about bullying and child abuse and how to recognize when something is not right.

· Hug them, kiss them, and say, "I love you" every day, no matter what. Kids thrive on it and it's a daily fix we all need no matter what our age. Creating a secret word, sign, or gesture of affection that only you and your child share.

Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS), the bullying and child abuse prevention curriculum being distributed throughout Florida in public elementary schools by the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, is helping students, parents/ caregivers, and school personnel get the information they need to understand what abuse and bullying is and how to prevent it. By educating your child on bullying, they will feel cared about and gain trust in you. They will not be afraid to speak up. Nothing is more precious than the lives of your children. Show your love by educating your child rather than thinking it won’t happen to them. Learn more about SUBS and how you can help us get this message out and show your love for your children at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org. Join us and help us protect Florida’s children today! - watch for our follow up article on this topic and how it relates to preventing child abuse!

Guest Blogger:

Jackie Wiggins

Senior UNF Intern

Protecting children from sexual exploitation more important than ever!

2012-02-08T13:54:00.001-05:00

Internet sex stings in Florida are nothing new. 40 men were arrested in Orlando for soliciting sex with minors just a few weeks ago. That arrest included a pro-golfer, a swim coach and an eighth grade teacher. And here we are again, 21 arrested in Gainesville, including a Physician’s Assistant and an elementary school teacher. So why am I so disturbed by this report that I felt the need to blog about it? It’s just becoming more and more common and the perpetrators are seeking these encounters with children and teens knowing that these sting operations are happening. But their desires are such that they are willing to take that risk in order to meet up with a young child or teen for sex. Consequences aside, they think the risk is worth it, and that to me is scary!

There is no doubt that the sexual exploitation of children on the Internet is a huge problem in our country and it’s growing every day. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (NCMEC) has ample facts and resources about this issue for professionals, parents and communities that can be found on their website: http://www.missingkids.com/missingkids/servlet/PageServlet?LanguageCountry=en_US&PageId=218. However, it is up to us to learn more and do more. Reading the newspaper and being appalled is simply no longer enough. There are tools available and we, as the responsible adults in society, MUST use them to protect children today!

Do you know what the sexual exploitation of children is? Do you know if your child has ever been solicited online, if they’ve ever received any unwanted offers, if they’ve ever communicated with a stranger online? Do you know that according to NCMEC, 1 in 7 children between the ages of 10 and 17 has received a sexual solicitation online? Yet only 5% of those solicitations were ever reported to law enforcement or an Internet service provider. Do you know NCMEC hosts a cybertipline for just such reports?

At the Monique Burr Foundation for Children we are working hard every day to protect Florida’s children by educating and empowering all elementary school age children in first through fifth grades to recognize and report any unsafe situation they might encounter on the Internet. It is a part of a more comprehensive program called Speak Up Be Safe™ and we are diligently working to educate and empower the adults in their lives as well as the community about these same dangers and resources. Please help us. Visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS to become educated about this program and share our message. It’s that important and it’s that necessary!

Bullying not taken seriously!

2012-01-09T15:50:00.000-05:00

You’ve read in past blogs here about bullying statistics and bullying prevention, and about our Speak Up Be Safe™ program, but last week in the news we read about something that shocked many of us. In Naples, Florida, a judge recently granted immunity to a teen who killed another teen last January, ruling that under Florida’s “Stand Your Ground Law” a person who feels bullied or otherwise threatened is legally entitled to meet force with force, even deadly force. The judge ruled the teen was “standing his ground because he had tried to avoid the bully’s advances multiple times and was under the threat of great harm.”

Bullying causes a wide range of consequences in our society… mental health problems, academic learning issues, social and relational issues, bullycide (suicide), and now this! It’s time to stop this…it’s time to prevent this…it’s time to protect children from this senseless pain, destruction and loss. But how? How do we do that if bullying is not taken seriously? And statistics show that many don’t take bullying seriously.

According to www.bullyingstatistics.org, school bullying statistics in the United States show that about one in four kids in the U.S. is bullied on a regular basis. 77 percent of all students are being, or have been bullied verbally in some way or another, including mental bullying or even verbal abuse, and most violent altercations between students are more likely to occur on school grounds than on the way to school. So it is most definitely a serious problem. However, one of the most unfortunate aspects of these school bullying statistics is that in about 85 percent of bullying cases, no intervention or effort is made by a teacher or administrative member of the school to stop the bullying from taking place.

I wonder what our reaction would be if no school personnel responded in 85% of medical emergencies that happened in schools? Not only do students need to be educated, but school teachers and administrators do as well. Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS), the bullying and child abuse prevention curriculum being distributed throughout Florida in public elementary schools by the Monique Burr Foundation for Children is doing just that. And everyone can play a role in helping. Learn more about SUBS and how you can help us get this message out and prevent more bullying tragedies at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org. Join us and help us protect Florida’s children now!

Tips to Keep Kids Safe Over the Holidays

2011-12-24T12:47:00.006-05:00

Parents often wonder in response to the statement: “It’s an adult’s job to keep kids safe,” just what they can do to protect their kids. So we thought the holidays, when visitors abound, schedules are off, and parents are overwhelmed, would be a great time to offer parents these tips regarding that very topic.

Tips for parents (or caregivers) to keep their kids safe….

Child sexual abuse prevention tips!

1. 1. Discuss boundaries – in general boundaries and respect are keys to empowering your kids to say no to unwanted touches, pictures, etc… by adults or other children (be sure to tell them other children may do things that are wrong also).

a. Use the Speak Up Be Safe™ rule - "It’s My body", to help them learn what it means. If you visit our website at MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS and learn the five safety rules, you’ll see this first rule teaches kids their body is their own and they have the right to tell an adult No to uncomfortable touches, etc... Give kids the tools to say no and practice!

b. During the holidays, lots of family members will be around and will want to hug your child, may want to play, tickle and even have your child sit on their lap. Let both your child and the adults know this is a decision your child can make based on their comfort level, but if the child says no or stop, that is to be immediately respected!

2. 2. Pay attention to signals – a lot of times adults have a feeling that something is not quite right between an adult and a child, but they disregard that feeling because the adult in question is a family member or trusted friend, someone they think could never harm their child. Truth is, 90% of children are sexually abused by someone they and the family knows very well, 70% by a family member. Your child depends on you to keep them safe. If you have a gut feeling something is not right, ask questions, stop in, check back, and follow up. You owe it to your child to make sure you are paying attention and following up, not sweeping a feeling under the rug because it “couldn’t be” this person.

3. 3. Secrets have a way, especially bad secrets, of tearing families apart. Teach your child that if someone asks them to keep a secret, they should tell them NO and then they should tell you. Gifts as surprises until Christmas are okay, otherwise, families should adopt a “no secret” rule!

4. 4. Alone time between your child and another adult should be limited and then you should look for situations where that time is interruptible and observable and let the adult know you will follow up by asking your child lots of questions. The fact that 80% of sexual abuse occurs in one adult – one child situations means that if you eliminate or minimize these situations, you have already protected your child better!

Remember, the key is early and ongoing communication. Look for ways to start the conversations – extra guests sleeping in the house or trips to visit family and friends are both good ways to begin this type of conversation, and then look for ways to keep the communications going. Two-way communications, where your child feels like they can come to you to ask questions must be ongoing! Parents must ensure the environment and the relationship is conducive to this happening!

Physical abuse increases during the holidays!

Increased time commitments and financial demands impact all families during the holidays, and sometimes, in some families, this may lead to physical abuse of a child.

It’s important first of all, if you are feeling like you may hurt your own child to know there are things you can do to get help.

1. Take a breather… sort of a time out for adults! Send your child to their room and/or you go to another room and take some time to de-stress and calm down when you are feeling like you are going to lose control.

2. Call a friend and ask for support. Often people don't want to ask others for help, but that’s what family and friends are for, and most of the time, they would be happy to help, they just don’t know what we need! Asking for help is not a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of strength and love for your child!!!

3. If that is not enough, you can always reach out for more professional help. Contact the Florida abuse hotline at 1-800-96-ABUSE (1-800-962-2873).

4. Watch out for signs of increased stress and possible abuse in a friend or neighbor’s family. If you suspect this is the case, talk to the adult and tell them you too feel increased pressure during the holidays, and ask if there is any way you can help lighten their load.

5. If you suspect the child is being, or has been, harmed, you must call the Florida abuse hotline at 1-800-96-ABUSE (1-800-962-2873). Remember, making a report is helping a family get the services they need!

Lastly, don’t neglect – neglect!

1. It’s easy to put too much responsibility on kids that are too young with all we as parents have to do, or to leave kids too young at home alone, etc… but the holidays are no time to neglect our kids simply because we as parents are busy and have more to do! Reach out to neighbors and ask for help, share responsibilities with friends, but please don’t neglect your kids!

Remember, the holidays are about family and friends and we want it to be a safe and happy time as well. We at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children wish you and your entire family a safe and healthy 2012! To learn more about the five Speak Up Be Safe™ Safety Rules and other resources to help you in your efforts to keep your child safe, visit our website at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS. Remember that $2.00 will also provide the complete program to a child. To make a donation go to www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/Donations. Thanks for joining us as we work to Protect Florida’s Children!

Do we need more awareness or do we need action to protect children from child sexual abuse?

2011-12-21T15:07:00.005-05:00

Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim said last week he wants to work toward increasing awareness of child abuse. A generous and thoughtful gesture to be sure, however I’d like to take a moment to point out some previous efforts at awareness and ask if more awareness is really what we need?

In 1986 Oprah revealed her own childhood sexual abuse to her audience and in 2010 after Tyler Perry revealed his abuse on the Oprah show, Oprah hosted a 2-day event, “200 Adult Men who were Molested Come Forward.” And the awareness hasn’t stopped there. This year alone several celebrities have published books revealing their own childhood sexual abuse and rape, including Shania Twain, Sugar Ray Leonard and Ashley Judd to name just a few.

In the United States there were slightly fewer than 66,000 reports of sexual abuse in 2009. However, according to several experts in the field, only between 12% (Hanson, 1999) and 30% of child sexual abuse cases (Finkelhor, 2008) are ever reported to authorities, therefore, the actual number of children sexually abused each year in the US is more likely to be between 220,000 and 550,000.

According to the most widely quoted statistic in the field taken from retrospective studies, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by their 18^th birthday (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 2006), this means there are more than 42 million adult survivors of child sexual abuse in the U.S. And considering we have, as of the 2010 census, 74,181,467 citizens under 18 in our country, and we look at an average of 1 in 5 children, if 1 out of every 5 of them are or will be sexually abused, that potentially could be….. almost 15 million children that will be sexually abused before they are 18. Really? According to Darkness to Light, “Even if the true prevalence of child sexual abuse is not known, most will agree that there will be 500,000 babies born in the US this year that will be sexually abused before they turn 18 if we do not prevent it.”

So clearly awareness is needed! But when is enough awareness enough? Do we think people know by now that adults are using children for sexual gratification in our country? People have known for years that adults are neglecting and physically abusing kids… and yet that continues; so the question now becomes – are they aware this type of terrible abuse happens, that voyeurism, taking obscene pictures and indecent liberties, molesting, abusing, and raping children happens? It happens every day in our great nation! And I would say, most people know it happens. They know it and they either don’t want to admit it, think it won’t happen to them so they aren’t really concerned about it, they don’t want to talk about it because it is so horrific to think about, or they just simply don’t know what to do about it.

Yes child sexual abuse is real, it happens to real kids who go on to have real problems! And whether it impacts you directly or indirectly – IT DOES IMPACT YOU! So please, be courageous enough to talk about it and protect kids that are being groomed or victimized. Do something – anything!

Advocate for better child protection laws and prevention programs.
Learn the indicators of abuse and speak up when you suspect a child is being maltreated.
Learn more about the Monique Burr Foundation team and how we are protecting Florida’s children Now, and about references/research and resources at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS.
Call your school or district to see if our prevention program, Speak Up Be Safe™ (which addresses bullying, and the prevention of all types of child abuse, including child sexual abuse for children and all the relevant adults in their lives), is currently being implemented in elementary schools in your district, and if not tell them you want the program and give them our website!
Make a donation to the Monique Burr Foundation for Children so we can continue to advocate for and educate children and communities, and better protect all children!

Because as I said awareness is a generous and thoughtful gesture – but action is real and gets results!

The Monique Burr Foundation for Children believes in Protecting Florida’s Children – Let’s Do It Now!

The Penn State Scandal and Child Abuse: “Turning Reaction Into Real Action”

2011-11-21T09:13:00.000-05:00

Everyone is talking about the Penn State scandal, as they should be. The range of emotions expressed by citizens across the US run the gamut - some are outraged, some are supportive of Coach Paterno, which has others even more outraged, some are just in shock that this would happen and go unreported, some are just saddened that kids suffer such horrendous acts at the hands of the very adults that are supposed to care for and protect them in the first place.

But it’s time to turn all of that emotional reaction into real action to protect kids. We can spend our time ranting about the actions (or inactions) of those individuals at Penn State (and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit as humans and as child advocates we’ve done our fair share of that privately), or we can make a conscious choice as a State and as a Nation to take this tragedy and do something, together, for once to better the lives of children in a very real, very now way!

Child sexual abuse and exploitation is a very real and dangerous problem in our world, and yes it is happening in your neighborhood too! It happens for a variety of reasons and people turn their heads for a variety of reasons as well: denial, lack of education, fear, economic security. The numbers vary depending on what study you are quoting, but experts tend to agree that approximately 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused by the time they turn 18. So to put that into perspective, look at the average classroom in the US with about 20 kids and 4 kids in that class are, or will become a victim. It’s sickening and it’s heartbreaking. What it should be is motivating – but to most people – it just stops at sickening and heartbreaking. But let’s change that! Let’s take this current level of awareness and motivation in the US and let’s move beyond sickness and heartbreak and let’s all make a commitment to do something to protect children!

First, all citizens should be aware of the signs and symptoms of child abuse and neglect (and not just child sexual abuse) and should know where and how to report suspicions of abuse if they suspect it. We should all think of reporting as a form of prevention. It stops the abuse for the current victim and it prevents abuse for future victims. In Florida, every citizen is a mandatory reporter, as is every citizen in 17 other states. But whether you are mandated to report or not, it’s just the right thing to do! To learn the signs and symptoms of abuse or neglect or how to report abuse in Florida, visit: Monique Burr Foundation Resources.

If you are not in Florida and you want to know your state’s statute on reporting and how to report, you can visit this website hosted by The Child Welfare Information Gateway to find out more information. If your state law does not require every citizen to be a mandatory reporter, contact your state legislators and ask them to change the law immediately.

Secondly, prevention education needs to be a priority. The US is a reactive society and we need to become a preventive society. With over 3.2 million reports of child abuse annually (and more abuse that goes unreported) this is an issue of public health crisis proportion with long-term negative health, mental health and societal consequences that last well into adulthood. However, there is ample research that shows prevention programs targeted at both children and adults is effective for primary and secondary prevention of child abuse and child sexual abuse.

In Florida, the legislature has mandated child abuse prevention education for all of Florida’s children through Florida Statute 39. In response to that unfunded mandate, the Monique Burr Foundation for Children is providing a curriculum, Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS), as the Florida Department of Education approved safety and child abuse prevention program at no cost to public schools through active fundraising. The SUBS curriculum also includes bullying, cyberbullying and technology safety information to help avoid and prevent other tragedies as well.

According to Finkelhor (2007), arguments against prevention education for children are unfounded and “the weight of currently available evidence shows that it is worth providing children with high-quality prevention education programs”, stating that “much research has suggested that children acquire the concepts; some research has suggested the programs promote disclosure and one study found lower rates of victimization for children who were exposed to these programs.” Finkelhor goes on to say despite arguments to the contrary, “a majority of reviews have found that children at all ages do acquire the key concepts that are being taught. In fact, younger children show more learning than older children.” And since we know the majority of abuse occurs in children under the age of 11, SUBS is taught to that target audience.

Speak Up Be Safe™ also follows the empirical findings and policy suggestions set forth in previous research¹ to ensure the maximum efficacy and safety benefits for children in prevention programs.

· Programs are more effective when they occur on multiple occasions.

· Programs are more effective when they allow children opportunities to practice skills.

· Programs are more effective when they involve parents.

· Programs should devote more emphasis to bullying prevention.

To move from the reactive society toward the preventive society mentioned earlier, EVERY school in Florida needs to implement SUBS in EVERY 1^st – 5^th grade classroom to get this essential information to EVERY child. And the Monique Burr Foundation for Children needs EVERY citizen’s help to accomplish this.

Parents can inquire directly with their school or district to see if they are participating in the Speak Up Be Safe™ program and if not, request the program be used in their school. Schools and districts can request SUBS and can include the program as a part of their standardized Guidance and Health curriculum to ensure uniform implementation across their district. Community members and organizations can assist the Monique Burr Foundation and schools and districts with financial and implementation support.

We must all work together to be successful in protecting kids, but the key is, THE TIME IS NOW. We MUST Speak Up now to Keep Florida’s Kids Safe! Contact us for more information at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS.

Finkelhor, D. (2007). Prevention of Sexual Abuse Through Educational Programs Directed Toward Children. Pediatrics, 120(3): 640-645. Downloaded from http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/prevention/papers.html on November 15, 2011.

¹Finkelhor, D. & Dziuba-Leatherman, J. (1994). Victimization Prevention Programs: A National Survey of Children’s Exposure and Reactions. Child Abuse and Neglect, 19,(2):129-139. Downloaded from http://www.unh.edu/ccrc/prevention/papers.html on November 15, 2011.

Child Abuse is on the Rise.... Let's do something about it!

2011-11-06T10:47:00.000-05:00

An Ohio teacher and Penn State coach in the news, child porn sweeps in NC and FL with teachers, military, fire chiefs arrested, a US Department of State Special Agent recently arrested, a Ph.D at the CDC recently arrested… everywhere you look you see headlines related to child abuse, child pornography and child sexual exploitation. This is a public health crisis that is affecting us all, because even if it is not directly impacting you today it is going to impact you in the future. YOU are going teach these children, live next to these children, your children are going to go to school with these children and your tax dollars are going to have to pay to HEAL these children and INCARCERATE these perpetrators! If you do not think prevention is important, you are mistaken! The US needs to refocus it's efforts on PREVENTION! We need to stop the demand and EDUCATE and EMPOWER children and adults!!!! This really needs to stop. Please get involved and do something.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T18:04:00.000-04:00

Hi ghostly parents and protectors!

Yes, it is that time of year, I’m sure you all know, because like those of us here at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children (MBF) with kids, you’ve probably been readying costumes; and like all of us, with or without little trick-or-treaters at home, preparing jack-o-lanterns and candy as well!

But in our preparations, we would be remiss if we didn’t stop and take a few moments to give you some safety tips to keep your ghosts, goblins and (yes I know I’m out of touch with the latest and greatest costumes) trick-or-treaters safe on this scariest of nights out and about. So here are MBF’s top safety rules:

Light and Bright Saves the Night - so your child can be seen – which increases their safety factor tremendously – if it’s a dark costume, put glow in the dark paint or tape on, or carry a glow stick.

Off the Beaten Path Means Deal with Parents’ Wrath – parents/caregivers should be with kids while out trick or treating, if possible (even with older kids, and if it’s not cool… just hang back a little and give them some space, but at least you can watch out for them from a distance). If for some reason you’re not going to be with the kids, let them know they are to stick to main roads and not deviate from the path or there will be consequences. Better yet, sit down together and devise a map of their route with homes they will visit so that if needed, you can trace their path and easily find them. Kids should not deviate from the agreed upon route or take shortcuts.

Safety Rules are Valuable Tools! Teach your kids the 5 Speak Up Be Safe Safety Rules to help keep them safe safe, review our Safety Rules online at www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS and teach them to your kids. Make sure they understand not to go into homes or cars with people – even people they may know to get more or special candy, teach them about “tricks” and “bribes” and teach them to stay with their group’s adults and other kids to be safe! But on Halloween night, other safety rules are just as important so make sure you remind your kids of basic safety rules like look for cars before you cross the street, stay on the sidewalk, walk, don’t run, don’t walk in between cars, etc… You may think your child remembers the rules they’ve been taught, but on a night as important as Halloween where they’re focused on racking up as much candy as legally allowed, they may need a reminder of the safety rules!

Become a Stranger Danger Roving Ranger! – Okay, I know, with that one you’re thinking I’ve lost my mind… but I haven’t really. More than 50,000 children are abducted each year in non-family related cases, so it is a real danger and on a night when so many kids are out and about in the streets, a predator could have easy access to a child who is lost or not paying attention, who wanders away from their “group,” or simply doesn’t follow the rules and goes inside with someone to get some “special candy.” So not only do we as adults need to look out for our own children, we should also be on alert for anything suspicious with any other child as well. Let’s all work together on Halloween and watch out for all kids – Let’s all Speak Up and Keep Florida’s Children Safe!

Now go out there and have a Safe and Happy Halloween. From All of US at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children – We wish you Treats, Treats and more Treats, No Tricking!

FISHING TO STOP BULLYING!

2011-10-19T12:13:00.001-04:00

So here we are, mid-way through National Bullying Prevention Month and instead of answering a question for you, I’m the one asking the question this time. What are you doing to prevent or stop bullying? Let me tell you some things I’ve learned recently that others are doing:

· Facebook and Time Warner are joining forces to address cyberbullying: Facebook and Time Warner join forces

· CBS recently aired an hour long special about the state of bullying in US schools that was quite an eye opener: Bullying: Words Can Kill

· Sesame Street is even getting involved with younger kids with a new video and antibullying activities: Sesame Street: Stop Bullying

· Philadelphia Eagles’ Player DeSean Jackson is working with a LA based non-profit to create an antibullying curriculum: DeSean Jackson - Antibullying Curriculum

And that’s just a small sample. Call me a fish out of water, but in St. Augustine, FL this weekend, a generous group, led by Your Jacksonville Area Lexus Dealers, sponsored the annual El Pescado Billfish Tournament where anglers were fishing to raise money for the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. to implement our Speak Up Be Safe™ safety and child abuse prevention program. The goal is to teach all 1^st through 5^th grade students in the state of Florida by the year 2015 to get involved and stop bullying! So that’s what a great group of anglers did this weekend, that was their contribution to National Bullying Prevention Month… Fishing to Stop Bullying!

But does prevention work? Let’s look at the numbers… okay with the caveat these are just my rudimentary calculations, and remember I’m a social worker, not a math major, but consider for a moment that the state of Florida currently houses 102,319 prisoners at a cost of 19,469 each year.* Because we know many bullies grow up to commit crimes, it is not unreasonable to think at least 15% of prisoners were childhood bullies (it’s probably higher, but I’m trying to be conservative here.) We know the total Florida spends annually to house inmates is $1,992,048,611 and we can probably say that 15% of that is spent on prisoners who were childhood bullies. That would be $298,807,292.

In other words, conservatively speaking, Florida is spending almost $300 million a year to incarcerate childhood bullies that might not otherwise have turned to crime if we could have stopped them from bullying others and cared for them in the ways they needed as children before they turned to criminal behaviors.

Would $300 million be better spent on prevention (or even a fraction of that money)? Speak Up Be Safe™ can be offered to every elementary school student in the state of Florida for right around $1.00 per child per year, or $1.5 million, saving the state millions of dollars annually!

But more than that, saving the children… countless hours of suffering, countless physical and emotional wounds, long-term damage and consequences that impact society financially and socially for decades to come.

We are failing our children, and we must do better. This weekend a group of anglers and sponsors stepped up by Fishing to Stop Bullying. Now let me ask you – What are you going to do with the remainder of National Bullying Prevention Month to turn the tide for Florida’s children?

*http://www.dc.state.fl.us/oth/Quickfacts.html

48 Hours examined the state of bullying & cyberbullying in our nation’s schools and what they found was alarming!

2011-09-30T16:20:00.001-04:00

If you think bullying isn’t a serious problem in schools, or better yet, if you think bullying isn’t happening in your child’s school, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you are sadly mistaken! CBS’ 48 Hours recently aired a special: Bullying – Words Can Kill (you can view it online at http://www.cbsnews.com/2718-18559_162-1249.html?tag=cbsnewsLeadStoriesArea.0) that depicted the state of bullying and cyberbullying in America. They portrayed an in-depth look at bullying in one typical American middle school and what they witnessed and reported was eye-opening! Nice, normal, everyday kids are being bullied, harassed and tormented to the point they skip school, change schools or leave school altogether. Some kids even go to an extreme to escape the devastating effects of the torment – they commit bullycide.

Bullycide is the fairly recent term used to describe a suicide committed by a child or teen in response to or after being bullied. According to http://www.bullyingstatistics.org/content/bullying-and-suicide.html:

The statistics on bullying and suicide are alarming:

• Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 suicide attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it.

• Bully victims are between 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University.

• A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying.

• 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk for suicide, according to the study above.

• According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying.

The research regarding this relationship is very young, but the truth is we don’t need the research to see that a relationship does exist and prevention is needed. Young teens and tweens inherently are trying to discover who they are and are desperately trying to fit in with their peers – developmentally speaking; it is a notoriously difficult time in their lives. Add to that having to endure bullying and cyberbullying, and for many, it becomes unbearable. But by the time they reach middle school and high school it may be too late – the damage may be done, the window for prevention, for creating a generation of caring, empathetic kids who see the damage this does, long gone.

That’s why at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children we believe prevention regarding bullying and cyberbullying must start earlier, much earlier. Our Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) Program for 1^st through 5^th grades includes bullying and cyberbullying prevention and it discusses other forms of digital abuse and safety as well! Visit our website at MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS to learn more about the program and how you can get involved or bring the SUBS program to your area! This show also leads me to my next two “Question of the Day” blog entries: Why do kids bully? and Why do kids send sexually explicit pictures and misuse technology? So stay tuned for those – coming soon!!!

Why Does Child Abuse Happen?

2011-09-23T12:50:00.001-04:00

This is a question I am often asked. Why does child abuse happen? The last time I was asked was just a few days ago by my 10 year old, “Mom, why do people do those things to kids?” after she overheard me telling someone on the phone what workshops I recently attended at the 12^th National Conference on Child Sexual Abuse and Exploitation in New Orleans hosted by the National Children’s Advocacy Center. Answering a 10 year old about sexual abuse is difficult but I gave it my best shot in my “I want to educate her but not freak her out” mom way. Not sure how I did, but it did spark this idea for the blog; what about a “Question of the Day” series. No one is ever really comfortable asking questions about child abuse, especially “why” questions, so I thought I’d tackle those hard to ask and answer questions, especially the why questions! I’ll start with Why does child abuse happen? And over the next few weeks I’ll answer questions like, Why do kids bully?, Why are so many kids sexually abused/are those numbers real?, Why do kids send sext messages and cyberbully each other?, Why is Florida 4^th in the nation for the number of child abuse reports?, and the biggie, Why don’t kids speak up? And to give you some insight into the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Why was the Foundation formed and why do we do what we do?

So let’s start with “Why does child abuse happen?” Are abusers simply terrible, evil people who shouldn’t be parents? Well that’s what many people think, and I guess the answer to that question depends on the type of abuse you’re thinking about – whether it be physical, emotional, sexual, neglect, or abandonment. The media often depicts only the most heinous of abuse cases – the kids locked in closets and fed dog food, the kids sold by their parents and sexually exploited, and of course the tragedies like the Lauren Book and Jaycee Dugard cases – and many professionals and agencies perpetuate that stereotype by passing along those stories and scare statistics on their own blogs and social media sites.

But in reality, the majority of child abuse cases that are substantiated in the US are cases of neglect and not at the hands of evil, terrible parents, but parents or caregivers who lack education, resources and support to be better and do better. There is an ecological model of risk and protective factors that explains what puts one child/family at a higher risk for abuse over another – quite simply when the risk factors outweigh the protective factors a parent, caregiver or family is at a higher risk of abusing their child(ren) or of their child becoming a victim of abuse or neglect.

Click Here for the social-Ecological Model of Child Abuse and Nelgect.

So while it is true that abuse and neglect can happen to anyone, there are reasons it happens in some families and in some homes and not others, and this is important because it gives us a knowledge base from which to prevent abuse and neglect – and here at the Monique Burr Foundation, that is what we are all about! So now you have a better understanding of “Why abuse happens”. Stay tuned to a future post where I’ll address what you can do about it!

Veto Violence – a Great Example of Getting it Right in Child Abuse Prevention!

2011-09-20T11:17:00.004-04:00

The Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. has a simple mission:

To make a positive impact on the community at large, to create change in a family’s life for the better, and to give hope in the life of a child by providing safety and child abuse prevention education that is relevant to issues facing children today, including all forms of abuse, neglect, bullying and internet safety. While it may seem a simple mission, its implementation is quite complex and takes the efforts of not only our Foundation team but also parents, schools, and community partners to make it happen.

Working together in the field of child abuse prevention is a necessary and worthwhile effort if the goal is to truly reduce or stop abuse; however in the past there was little “togetherness” in effort or energy. That tide is turning though. Conferences are bringing together professionals to share their successes, agencies are collaborating to share resources, and organizations are developing programs and strategies to help professionals in the field do more with less and impact children in a way like never before.

One of those organizations is the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) with their injury and violence prevention programs. The CDC recognizes violence, including child maltreatment, as a serious public health concern and has stepped up with research and programs designed to study the problem, look for solutions and educate the public on prevention. The newest tool in their arsenal is the VETO violence project (Violence Education Tools Online). You can find their website at: http://www.vetoviolence.org/ and their Facebook page at: https://www.facebook.com/VetoViolence.

You can take an online course titled: Principles of Prevention (and even earn CEU’s), learn prevention basics, and more! Truly a fabulous resource for parents and professionals alike. Hope you check it out!

New Jersey Passes Toughest Anti-Bullying Legislation in US – But how does it Prevent Bullying?

2011-09-01T10:25:00.006-04:00

In response to Rutgers Freshman Tyler Clementi’s tragic suicide after webcam images were taken and posted of him on the internet, the New Jersey legislature passed the toughest anti-bullying legislation in the nation. Those requirements, which impact all public schools in New Jersey, go into effect today and there is plenty of debate about their practicality and effectiveness. While no one, including me, in any way is minimizing the devastating effects of the bullying on Tyler or any other child or youth, they are questioning the effectiveness of the requirements of this law and whether they would have prevented the incident that led to Tyler’s suicide. Additionally, others in the education field are questioning the feasibility of asking schools to implement such drastic measures on already burdened schools.

The law requires every school to have an anti-bullying specialist and a safety team. It requires teachers or other school personnel to complete reports on any and all incidents within 24 hours and investigations to be started immediately and completed within 10 days. The problem is, who defines what they considering bullying and where is social media or cyberbullying, often now called digital abuse, in this effort? There are a growing number of children who are bullied via online and other digital technologies and the law doesn’t include those types of incidents at all.

My biggest concern with this legislation, while I applaud New Jersey for taking a stand, being active and doing something, is once again it is reactive rather than proactive. It does not require an education component to prevent bullying. There is no program being implemented to stop bullying in the first place, so kids still have to suffer from the bullying before anyone is going to intervene! The damage will already be done! The consequences unknown – FOR NOW.

In Florida, Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) is attempting just the opposite. SUBS is a prevention education program that addresses safety and all forms of child abuse, bullying and digital abuse – including internet and cell phone dangers. The program includes tools for parents, school personnel and the community in an attempt to empower and motivate all adults to protect children. Offered throughout the state to all 1^st through 5^th grade students by the year 2015 by the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc., the program is in the process of expanding state-wide as a collaborative effort with the Office of the Governor of the State of Florida, the State Department of Education, the State Department of Health, the Florida Department of Children and Families, Ounce of Prevention and other sponsors and partners. Finally a proactive approach – I love it!

To find out more about SUBS and MBF or to help us bring SUBS to your area sooner and prevent bullying at your school – visit www.MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS.

Bullying Prevention

2011-08-19T18:12:00.002-04:00

It was a simple Facebook post I happened to read while taking a break from working:

“School is starting, so if you see someone who is struggling to make friends or being bullied because he/she doesn't have many friends or because they are shy or not as pretty or not dressed in name brand clothes PLEASE step up. Say hi or at least smile at them in the hallway. You never know what that person might be facing outside of school. It might just make a BIG difference in someone's life!”

Wow was all I could think…my own kids are thrilled about going back to school, they’ve got new backpacks, new lunchboxes, new clothes and shoes, bags full of school supplies, they know who their teachers are, we’ve been practicing multiplication facts, making bike-riding plans with other neighborhood kids, they can’t wait to see all of their friends – I don’t think the excitement level could get much higher. And then it hit me, some kids are probably dreading going back to school. For them, school is filled with days of being taunted, ridiculed, and bullied. They don’t have friends, they don’t fit in, there is no happiness, no excitement, and my heart sank. That any child should feel that is simply unimaginable and unjustified. Yet we know it happens in schools every day with research stating almost 1 in 3 students will experience some sort of bullying or cyberbullying while in school.*

Sufficiently depressed, I got off Facebook and got back to work editing documents for our Speak Up Be Safe™ (SUBS) program. SUBS is a safety and child abuse prevention program that includes prevention education for Florida’s 1^st through 5^th grade students on all types of child abuse, Internet Safety, and BULLYING. It teaches kids about tricks and force, bullying and cyberbulling – and it teaches them strategies to use if they find themselves in unsafe situations facing these things. Research tells us that half or more of all bullying CAN BE PREVENTED, and knowing that The Foundation is working hard to provide Speak Up Be Safe™ to all elementary children in Florida certainly made me feel better!

So here’s a reminder: Speak Up Be Safe™ and the work of the Monique Burr Foundation for Children staff, the Speak Up Be Safe™ facilitators, our partners, our donors, and schools can change this! We can help create the next generation of students that care, that don’t taunt, ridicule or bully, that will say hi and smile at that student in the hallway who is struggling to make friends, is shy, or isn’t dressed in designer clothes, so they can be just as excited to go back to school as my girls are! What a great day that will be not only for them, but for everyone who cares about kids as well!

*http://www.fldoe.org/safeschools/bullying.asp

BACK TO SCHOOL SAFETY!

2011-08-11T14:31:00.002-04:00

For many Florida kids the time has come… school has started! Or if it hasn’t, it will soon and parents are either cheering or dreading that first very early morning. Kids everywhere will be dressed in their new outfits, sporting their spiffy new backpacks, wearing shiny new white tennis shoes, and parents will start their beginning of the school year routines. You know we always start off with a bang!

So parents – the start of the school year… we all know how busy this time is…filling out all the paperwork, adding lunch money to their account, setting up a homework system, getting everyone back into the early morning routine. But please don’t forget a very important task on that to do list of yours: teaching kids safety tips for traveling to and from school. Here are some to get you started – and if I’ve missed any, please let me know:

For walkers/bike riders

Make sure you plan a safe route and walk/ride it with your child ahead of time
Kids should always travel in pairs/groups (if someone is sick/an adult should accompany the lone child)
Of course your child should wear all appropriate safety gear if riding a bike or scooter to school (I would personally say skip the scooter, but that’s coming from a mom whose child suffered bilateral arm fractures on one of those things, well falling off one of them really - personal choices aside – safety gear on all items should be a mandatory rule.)
Teach your child to follow all safety rules, including staying on sidewalks or within designated paths and crosswalks, etc… and listening to safety guards. Encourage them to ask you or the school questions if they are unsure about their route.

For bus riders

Teach children when waiting at the bus stop to stay with the group, stay out of the street, and an adult should be present if possible (maybe your neighborhood could rotate bus stop duty). Instruct your child to follow all safety rules taught by the school and bus driver.

For all kids

Teach kids to never go with a stranger, or even someone they know from your neighborhood, unless you have pre-arranged it. You might want to consider having a family password that only your family knows that you give to others in emergency situations that need to pick up your child. If a person has the password, your child will know you really did send that person to pick them up, and it is safe to go with that person.
Teach kids their personal identifying information, their full name, parents/caregivers full names, address, home and cell phone(s). Also teach them who it is and isn’t appropriate to share this information with.
Develop a personal safety plan with your child. For this and other resources and safety tips, please visit MoniqueBurrFoundation.org/SUBS/resources

Parents, please don’t forget this very important “to do” on your back to school check list. It won’t take THAT long – and it’s great information for your child. It educates and empowers them and while ultimately it’s your job to keep them safe, it helps them follow the safety rules which helps you do your very important job of keeping them safe!

p.s. Don’t forget to periodically check in and make sure they are following the rules, however. They are after all – KIDS!

Making SAFE summer decision for your kids! (Safe, Abuse Free, Educated)

2011-08-06T21:31:00.001-04:00

Trying to figure out what to do with those last few weeks of summer? I won’t ask who is going crazy, whether it’s you or the kiddos – or maybe both! J But if you are looking for some last minute camps, activities or agencies that are offering refuge, I’m asking you to please make sure you are thinking with safety in mind first. Our good friends at Darkness to Light (D2L) in Charleston put out tips on how to choose youth-serving organizations wisely.

They include:

1. Be proactive and ask questions, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

2. Ask how employees are screened and make sure it is sufficient, don’t accept excuses!

3. Ask if there is a policy limiting one adult – one child interactions? Most sexual abuse occurs in one adult – one child situations, so if there isn't a policy in place, question this gap.

4. Ask if staff and volunteers (including older youth) are trained in prevention and mandatory reporting. If not, insist that they begin training right away!

Don’t be afraid to be an advocate for children. Speak Up Be Safe™, the new safety and child abuse prevention curriculum from the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc., educates children to Speak Up and Be Safe by giving them tools to be aware of dangerous situations and asks children to follow 5 Safety Rules that help the adults in their lives keep them safe. What a great foundation for a safety net! These tips from D2L offer parents even more suggestions to help keep kids safe when choosing organizations for summer activities (and into the school year as well) and we hope they help you make wiser, safer decisions – expanding that safety net even further!

You can find the full list of tips on the Darkness to Light website here:

http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6292395/k.72F8/Step_Up_and_Speak_Out.htm

Crowded Spaces – Dangerous Places! Overprotective or Preventive Maintenance?

2011-08-01T11:45:00.001-04:00

Our family just returned from vacation, and while I’d hardly call it relaxing, a week in Orlando, 2 families, 4 adults, 6 kids, 2 condos, 4 pools, several theme parks, well, you get the idea…. It was a ton of fun for all of us. But I will tell you I noticed some very brave parents out there when it came to their kids and walking around inside theme parks, which were crazy busy packed by the way. It was after all the middle of July. Well, they were either very brave or very naïve. I can tell Florida needs a lot of education about the dangers facing their children and about the steps they need to take to protect them!

At one point we even saw a mother leave her two kids, approximate ages 2 and 4, at the exit of a ride while she walked somewhere completely out of site, to get her stroller and personal things. 2 and 4! So of course I go into hyper-attentive mode – didn’t she see the news back in February when a 2-year old was molested at SeaWorld? Doesn’t she know that’s extremely dangerous? Maybe I should say something?

My kids of course tell me to stay out of it, that I’m an overprotective mother, always worried about the worst that can happen. I don’t think I’m overprotective at all – I think I’m just about the right amount of “prevention focused.” So of course I watched those two little ones until their mom returned, and then, do you think I said anything? Well I’ll leave you wondering about that, but I’d love to know if you would have said anything?

I do know this: we can’t ever assume because we are in public our kids are safe; kids disappear from public places every day. Never let your kids out of your site in crowded public places, and be prepared in case you get separated. Don’t assume it won’t happen to you. Have a plan for where your child should go, who they should look toward for help, and most of us don’t carry our full purses and wallets with us to public venues like that, but at least make sure you have a recent picture of your child that can be copied and distributed if you did find yourself in need of assistance to help locate your child (even a photo on your phone is better than nothing). And teach your kids that screaming “help, this person is not my parent” is okay if a stranger is trying to take them… the point is to make a scene and get a safe adult to intervene and stop them! Let’s hope it never happens, but you and your child want to be prepared, just in case! Here’s to a healthy and safe rest of summer from your Monique Burr Foundation for Children friends!

Internet INSECURITY

2011-07-27T08:56:00.001-04:00

Many parents are already starting to feel that sense of dread as we move ever closer to the start of the school year. For some it’s because those expensive school supply lists are beginning to arrive in the mailbox or inbox; for others because we dread the early morning departure or afternoon homework routines. But don’t count summer over just yet. And if your kids are bored, done with camps and vacations, maybe they’ve turned to the computer to fill some time. If so, make sure you are watching their online activities.

With 90% of children between the ages of 5 and 17 using computers and 1 in 5 youth receiving unwanted sexual solicitations online*, it’s a fact that the Internet is a dangerous place for many children. Yet even more parents are unaware of the dangers faced daily by children online, and of those parents who are aware, they are unsure how to protect children.

So the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. decided we would help parents, professionals, and anyone interested. When we joined Childhelp in the development of Speak Up Be Safe, we included Internet Safety and Cyberbullying as a part of the curriculum because of the importance of these topics in the lives of children and teens today. And how great is it that others are taking notice and acting as well?

Facebook and Time Warner have joined forces to help stop cyberbullying, a real and dangerous threat facing youth today. Read more about their Initiative, Stop Cyberbullying, Speak Up and their joint efforts here.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eschoolnews.com%2F2011%2F07%2F25%2Ffacebook-and-time-warner-join-to-stop-cyber-bullying%2F&h=YAQBqhSR-

And although Facebook rules require a teen to be 13 to create a profile, let’s not be that naïve – there are much younger kids on social networking sites and ALL parents need to be educated and vigilant. Florida’s 1^st through 5^th grade students will learn Internet Safety and Cyberbullying prevention tips as Speak Up Be Safe sessions are implemented in all Florida public schools over the next 5 years. But why wait? Parents, go to www.moniqueburrfoundation.org to download information and tips so you can become educated and empowered and teach your kids to be smarter and safer online now!

*http://kidsafe.com/freereports/Internet%20STATS%20Presented%20By%20CEN.pdf

Florida United for Kids!

2011-07-17T12:52:00.001-04:00

We know Florida is a state divided with some fans sporting orange and blue and others garnet and gold, and while we happened to be on the beautiful campus of UF this week, the MBF team and the summer academy participants were anything but divided. We were there to train new Speak Up Be Safe™ facilitators, our first group of facilitators trained since the pilot phase ended. And while the groups both days were small, we were all united in our motivation to keep kids safe from the dangers facing them today! As Dante Alighieri said, “A mighty flame followeth a tiny spark!” Even with the small number trained, their motivation and commitment ensures we will see great things from them in the future.

The team also enjoyed a little time doing some teambuilding and preparing the Speak Up Be Safe™ program for the big “roll out” in the fall. We have finalized the curriculum changes and are working hard to ensure the implementation for schools, districts and facilitators runs as smoothly as possible. For our team, work and fun are NEVER mutually exclusive. We sure had a lot of both in Gainesville this week and we’ll see a tremendous outcome for it – a lot of safer kids in Florida because of this great program… So Speak Up with us Florida – it doesn’t matter if you’re in Gainesville wearing Orange and Blue or in Tallahassee with your Garnet and Gold or anywhere else in the state – on this issue we can all stand united!

90% of child abuse is preventable - time to Speak Up and Be Safe Florida!

2011-07-07T14:40:00.001-04:00

Florida has long been known for sandy beaches and theme parks but we've also been known for some other - not so sunny and fun - distinctions as well. Like having the 4th highest rate of child abuse in the country and having some very high profile cases of child abuse with very public and very bad outcomes. Come to think of it, one recent case actually happened at a theme park, and that was completely preventable. In fact, 90% of all child abuse is preventable.

While we'd much rather be sitting on one of those sandy beaches, the team at the Monique Burr Foundation for Children, Inc. is hard at work revising our new safety and child abuse prevention curriculum that we plan to make available to every 1st through 5th grade class in Florida by 2015, appropriately titled "Speak Up Be Safe™!" Our team, along with Childhelp, has been hard at work developing this program with the insight and contributions of experts for over a year now, and after a successful pilot phase in four Florida counties and with great feedback from our facilitators, we will be ready for full implementation in the fall. For the full history and more information about future implementation plans visit moniqueburrfoundation.org.

Until then, stay tuned in the upcoming weeks for more details about Speak Up Be Safe™, the MBF team, and our very ambitious but achievable plans (you'll soon learn a bit more about some of the overachievers on our team which is why I say that). You will also be able to find great information on this blog about child abuse prevention, bullying and Internet safety - all important issues facing our kids, schools and communities today. Watch for some cool guest bloggers occasionally too! In the meantime you won't find us at the beach, but we are going on a road trip - so catch the team next time from Gainesville!